Save Me from the Dark
by Evilsilence
Summary: Not just your average love story. Struggling with depression, Scarlett Raven Black quite literally falls into the past. Will a certain dark haired paramedic save her from the all consuming darkness in her soul? WARNING: Self-harm, and other mature, potentially triggering themes.
1. Chapter 1

Scarlett Raven Black sat numbly in her dimly lit bedroom pondering her existence. Life had been a huge crapshoot for quite some time and most days she didn't even know why she continued to deal with everything. With a heavy sigh she crossed the room and flopped down onto her soft bed letting her mind wander.

Scarlett hadn't had the easiest life, not in any regard, and to say she was bitter about it was an understatement. Most times she tried to keep it together and not let her emotions show, as revealing too much would ineviteably lead to everyone considering her weak, and if she was one thing, it definitely wasn't weak. However, now people considered her to just be completely emotionless and she just went with it.

It was only at home, safely in her room, where Scarlett let her true emotions burst forth and overwhelm her. Unfortunately, at the present time she just felt numb and no emotion seemed forthcoming. Sighing once more she rolled over and looked at her bedside clock. 2 AM. Fuck. She should be sleeping but lately sleep seemed to be an evasive bitch completely hellbent on never being caught.

Resigning herself to yet another sleepless night, Scarlett silently reached under her pillow and her hand closed on the razor she had hidden below. She was no stranger to the comfort that the simple metal object could give, and right now she just wanted to feel something, anything. Without another thought, Scarlett pulled her sleeve of her pajama top up and pushed the cold metal against her wrist, making several cuts and relishing in the pain it gave her. It wasn't enough though, it was never enough.

Scarlett's buzzing mind seemed to calm slightly however, and her body relaxed enough to allow her to fall into a light sleep. This wasn't to last though, as a sudden noise outside startled her awake and broke any peace her mind had finally allowed her. Bristling, she heard the noise yet again, and made the decision to investigate. Worst that could happen is that it was really a murderer wanting to murder her, but would that really be that bad?

Scarlett quickly slipped from her bed and threw on whatever clothes happened to be close by and a grabbed a flashlight and made her way downstairs and slipping out the door into the night. Almost as if the noise detected her presence it sounded again, and she followed it as it seemed to be moving steadily away from her. Quickening her pace to a run she followed it up the street and into some woods. Scarlett had used to play in these very woods as a child and expertly followed the noise even after she had gone off the path, all the while hoping that this wasn't a complete waste of time.

 _I at least better get murdered for all my trouble._

Suddenly the noise seemed to be right in front of her and she froze. It sounded almost like... a cat? Scarlett narrowed her eyes.

 _A cat? Really?! I came all this way for a cat?_

Turning to leave, she heard it yet again. This time it sounded different. It sounded hurt. There was also the distinct sound of a dog growling.

 _Shit. Cat's dog food and now apparently I am too. What a great way to die. I was happier when I thought I was going to be murdered._

Taking a deep breath, Scarlett carefully ran through the overgrown foliage and over downed tree limbs and she finally caught sight of it. There, a few yards in front of her, ran a small gray limping cat, which was surprisingly still moving at a good speed for being injured.

Focusing only on the cat she threw caution to the wind. She needed to catch it before the dog she knew was lurking did. No sooner had Scarlett made this decision her foot had caught on a tree root and she was suddenly tumbling, falling...falling...into the endless darkness...

Slowly, Scarlett felt herself coming back to awareness as the cobwebs that seemed to fill her head was clearing and the hamster in her brain seemed to jump back on its wheel.

What happened?

The thought had barely entered her mind when she was suddenly looking into the dark brown eyes of a very handsome young man.


	2. Chapter 2

Before Scarlett's brain had the chance to fully catch up, she swung and violently jerked away from this strange man, trying to put as much space as possible between them. Unfortunately for her, he was easily able to dodge her swing and was promptly back at her side, this time holding her down.

"Whoa, take it easy, " He told her. "I'm not going to hurt you. My name is Johnny Gage and I'm a paramedic for the LA fire department."

His assurance and introduction did little to calm Scarlett, who quite honestly, would've swung at him again if he hadn't have been pinning her arms down and he seemed to sense this as well.

"Take it easy," He repeated again and his eyes crinkled in confusion. "How'd ya get in here to begin with?"

"I...uh fell." Scarlett mumbled lamely. She remembered now. 2am. The woods. The stupid cat. Fuck.

She watched as Johnny's eyebrow raised in a "no kidding" expression, but he seemed too polite to outwardly say anything about it. Instead he simply asked her if she was hurt anywhere.

 _Yeah, my very soul._

"N - no... I'm okay." Scarlett squeaked out. She hated to admit it but looking into his eyes had awakened something deep inside her. Something she hadn't even known still existed within her. The sooner he went away, the better.

"Okay, well I'm just going to check you over, " Johnny spoke in his soothing, professional paramedic voice. "Just tell me if anything hurts, all right?"

Clearly he wasn't waiting for any sort of response as she felt his hands working up her legs, arms and then stomach checking for any sign of injury. Ever since he first touched her Scarlett felt like her entire body had been doused in flames and she could feel the encroaching anxiety attack. Silently she begged herself not to succumb to it. The last thing she needed was to lose it in front of this absolutely perfect man.

Scarlett tried to breathe deeply but the anxiety was winning and he had yet to take his hands off of her and it definitely didn't help that said hands were currently in her hair checking for any physical signs of head injury. This just kept getting worse and worse. She tried to suppress a groan and failed.

"That hurt?" Johnny asked quizzically as he pulled his penlight from his belt pouch and shone it into both of her eyes.

Even in her high anxiety state she didn't miss the look of concern that briefly flashed across his face before it was quickly once again replaced by his mask of trained professionalism.

Next he grabbed her wrist and he must have seen the look on her face because he quickly spoke.

"Now, I'm just going to check your heart rate and then blood pressure. You're fine, you're okay." He soothed and Scarlett couldn't help but think it reminded her of the way someone would attempt to soothe a frightened infant. She'd be lying if it wasn't cute as shit though.

Again, she watched him carefully and saw the same expression of concern cross his features before being quickly hidden behind his trained mask.

"We're going to be getting you out of here in a second, don't worry." He stated then turned to yell up to the top of the damned hole she had fallen into all because of a stupid fucking cat. "Send down the stokes! "

Someone yelled something from above in reply.

Scarlett merely just lay there, glad that for the first time since she'd woken up that Johnny wasn't touching her. However her happiness was short lived as he came up beside her again with a basket-like stretcher looking thing.

"Just going to put you in this and the guys up top will pull it up." Johnny said as he slid his hands under her, effortlessly picking her up and placing her into it.

All at once Scarlett felt the fire that his hands on her body had started and the anxiety that she'd been trying so hard to keep at bay consume her. As her breaths turned into pants, she could hear Johnny saying something to her and as everything went black her only thoughts were, _shitshitshit_.


	3. Chapter 3

Scarlett opened her eyes, finding herself laying in a bed, a hospital bed if how sterile and plain her surroundings were was any indication.

Taking the wool blanket off her body, she sat up, her feet not reaching the floor from the medical bed.

Seemingly on cue, a man walked in, wearing a white medical coat over a striped dress shirt. His appearance was almost old timey, as if he had been watching too many tv shows her father probably grew up watching, and thought the sideburns and hair styling from those days suited him.

"Oh good, you are awake. Wasn't sure it was going to be so soon." He replied, smiling as he grabbed a clipboard at the foot of her bed, and quickly wrote something down. "My name is Kelly Brackett and I'm your doctor. You were brought in by one of our paramedics, after they got you out of that hole. Apart from your fainting, which was likely due to stress, we found slight lacerations on your arms near the wrist. While they aren't deep enough to warrant any treatment from us, try to keep them properly clean until fully healed, okay? Other than that, if possible, we would like to keep you here for twenty four hours, just to make sure that fainting spell isn't anything more than that one occurrence. Any questions?"

Scarlett found it a little confusing that this Dr. Brackett didn't berate her for her cutting. It was common place for a doctor to see her marks and instantly throw out words of depression and suicidal as if it meant anything. Cutting was a form of comfort, a proof of her still being alive in the meaningless existence around her. About staying in the hospital for a day, she was okay with, simply to figure out why that paramedic had caused such a weird reaction from her. It disconcerted her the way she physically and emotionally reacted to him.

"I'm cool with staying a day." She replied, curtly.

"Good, then for now, just stay here, and feel free to call for a nurse if needed. I have a few questions to ask you, just to make sure you are alright after your fainting spell, but I'm needed elsewhere right now." Brackett responded, quickly writing more on the clipboard, before placing it back, and starting to leave the room.

"Could you also bring the paramedic who saved me with you when come back. I want to thank him, and apologize." She said, catching him before he left. She actually wanted to figure out what was wrong with her around him, but seemed a viable excuse to have him come.

"Of course, if he isn't busy" Brackett responded before finally leaving.

Now that he was gone, Scarlett looked around the room. It was strangely bare of most modern conveniences, lacking a tv and even a call button for the nurse.

It was whatever though, Scarlett thought, before closing her eyes to take a nap.

When she awoke, the doctor was once again standing in her room, this time joined by someone else, the paramedic who rescued her, causing her to instantly look away.

"I'm finally free, so wanted to check up on how you are doing. Can you tell me your name now?" Brackett asked, clipboard once again in hand.

"Scarlett." She quickly replied, almost embarrassed for some reason.

"Scarlett..." Brackett said, implying he needed more than just her first name "Black." She replied, staring at Brackett, and trying to ignore the sudden pounding in her chest from the paramedic simply being in the room with her.

"Good, well, Ms. Black, do you know where you are?"

"Hospital?"

"And the year?"

"2016?"

"Hmm, apparently that fainting spell left some lasting damage, I'm glad we asked you to stay." He said, writing something down, before placing the clipboard back. "Johnny, can you help me for a second. I don't want to have to call Dixie just for this."

"Of course" The paramedic, Johnny responded, before walking forward, closing the distance between Scarlett and him as he stood beside Brackett, who had moved to be in front of Scarlett. Even with Brackett here, his presence was having the feelings she had in the hole come back slightly, as her vision got a little dark for a second.


	4. Chapter 4

Scarlett listened as Dr. Brackett gave Johnny instructions to start an IV and listened to him explain how he hadn't previously considered it necessary but now he felt could be. She could only assume Dixie was the nurse he didn't want to bother but she couldn't be sure, and in all fairness it didn't really matter. All Scarlett knew was that in a minute the guy who invoked such strong physical and emotional feelings within her would be touching her again and the thought made her heart race practically out of her chest.

She watched as Johnny went and gathered the needed supplies and as Brackett moved aside to allow him room to work.

"Hello miss Scarlett." Scarlett didn't miss the assumption of her marital status but immediately forgot when she was greeted by one of his heart melting crooked grins. As he arranged the supplies out next to him, she wondered if it was possible for a heart to explode. She was certain hers was.

"Hey." Scarlett flatly replied, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly shy and averting her gaze to the too sterile looking floor.

Doing so she missed the look of slight disappointment that washed over Johnny's face as he tied the tourniquet around her right arm and felt her arm for a vein.

Suddenly it was like the world had stopped and all she could feel was his fingers on her arm. All that mattered in this brief moment was that he was touching her. That's the last thing she thought as her world was submerged in darkness once more.

Scarlett had no idea how long she'd been out but as consciousness slowly returned she could hear activity all around her and the deep voice of Brackett ordering tests. Slowly, she opened her eyes and they immediately locked onto Johnny who had moved to the foot of the bed to avoid getting in the way of everything. Instantly she noticed the lost look on his face and felt horrible that she was the reason for that look.

As if able to sense her staring, he turned his head, meeting her eyes. It was like all oxygen had been sucked from the room. They both held their gaze for a few seconds, which felt like an eternity, before it was broken as Johnny was suddenly being shooed out of the way by a nurse.

"Heart rates up to 120." A female voice somewhere at her side said but she paid little attention as her eyes tracked Johnny as he slipped into the corner of the room, completely out of the way of everyone.

"Dix, give her 10mg Diazepam IV. We need to get her heart rate down." Brackett ordered from somewhere in the room. She didn't really care what was going on around her, her full attention was still on Johnny who seemed to be wishing he could just be part of the wall.

Scarlett desperately wished he'd look at her again but he seemed preoccupied watching the scene in front of him. It was only as she felt herself falling into sweet oblivion that his dark eyes met hers once more.


	5. Chapter 5

She started to stir as consciousness began to return and blearily Scarlett cracked open her eyes and tried to focus on her surroundings. Observing that she was still in a bed at the hospital she turned her attention to the fact she now had pads with wires coming out them stuck to her chest which led to some sort of old fashioned looking heart monitor. Scarlett narrowed her eyes at this new development but it didn't surprise her, not really. Of course Brackett would be covering his bases and checking everything he felt could be causing her bouts of fainting. Little did he know that it was just caused by a certain dark haired paramedic having some crazy affect on her.

Looking away from the machine her eyes roamed around the relatively dull room little interest. Now that she was awake what was she supposed to do with no TV or no cell phone? At times like these Scarlett would usually scroll through Facebook to ease the overwhelming boredom and loneliness that seemed to be flooding her very soul.

Without anything else to do, she merely shut her eyes and let her mind wander and of course it wandered to Johnny. He was absolutely perfect but how could anyone possibly be that perfect? It should be illegal. Him and his perfect dark hair and dark expressive eyes should be imprisoned for the crime he had committed against her heart. It was the worst crime he could possibly commit : he had stolen her heart.

Scarlett had been content with being numb to the world and all those pesky emotions humans seemed to have, at least she told herself that, and the fact some perfect guy came of nowhere and broke right in was downright a crime. Why couldn't he have not saved her that day or better yet not existed?

She'd had boyfriends in the past but none of them even held a candle to how she felt for Johnny right now. They'd barely even spoken and yet here he was consuming nearly every thought she had and making her feel like she was floating on a cloud of pure happiness. It was simply sickening.

Trying to get her thoughts off of Johnny, Scarlett opened her eyes and directed her gaze to the window where there was only a sliver of light shining through. She surmised that it was either just getting dark or it was early morning, she couldn't be entirely certain, either way it seemed like whatever Brackett had given her had knocked her out for quite awhile. Definitely some powerful stuff. Probably should try avoid having to be sedated in the future, but damn Johnny was amazing...


	6. Chapter 6

Scarlett sighed and let the Johnny thoughts invade her mind again but her daydreams were sadly cut short as Brackett walked in.

"Oh good, I was hoping you'd be awake." He said as he made his way to the foot of her bed and grabbed her chart and rifled through it for a second. "Seems like you've been doing pretty well considering."

He began to ask her the same questions he'd asked the last time, what was her name, did she know where she was, etc. Scarlett knew she'd failed once again when she saw his face and the slight twitch of his mouth when she replied with what she thought the year was.

"Dr. Brackett?" Scarlett questioned. Truthfully she was beginning to think she was dying as he seemed to be avoiding telling her anything.

She met his eyes as he turned to her.

"At the present time I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with you. " He admitted." I'm going to ask you for your permission to stay here a little longer while I run more tests."

Scarlett felt herself getting a little annoyed with the doctor. She was already bored out of her mind with nothing to do or keep her mind off of Johnny. How was she going to bare with an extended hospital stay?

"Fine, I guess. Do you have any idea what's going on with me though?"

"I suspect you sustained a head injury which caused the memory loss but I can't find any evidence of it except for the memory loss. I'm admittedly baffled by your fainting spells as well, which is why I'm ordering more tests. We'll figure this out." Brackett replied and laid a hand on her shoulder in what she suspected was supposed to be a comforting gesture. She wasn't very comforted though.

As Scarlett watched him exit the room she pondered the information he had given her and for the first time wondered what was going on. It was obvious to her now that the year she thought it was wasn't the year it actually was and she wondered if maybe she'd actually hit her head. Also was the fact she couldn't remember exactly why she had fallen into that hole or what she was even doing beforehand. It was like her memory of the events leading up to it had abandoned her when she'd needed them the most.

Sighing, she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, keenly aware of the headache that was beginning to start. She'd have to ponder all of this later, she thought as she closed her eyes, prepared for the oblivion that was another nap.

Not long later she was awakened by a nurse pulling the pads for the heart monitor off her chest. The nurse had happily informed her that Brackett had decided to remove it since he hadn't found anything of concern and Scarlett felt nothing but relief. The last thing she'd wanted was Johnny to come back while she was connected to it, he'd definitely figure out what he did to her.

When the nurse finally left Scarlett let her gaze fall to the window which now showed complete darkness. Definitely must be night then. She wondered if Johnny would come back to visit her today after what had happened earlier and found that she didn't blame him if he didn't.


	7. Chapter 7

It wasn't until morning that Scarlett groggily opened her eyes. She hadn't even realized she'd fallen asleep but the more she thought about it, the more she could remember dreaming of Johnny. Of course she had. Of fucking course. It was always about Johnny, first her thoughts and now even her dreams. He'd taken over her. It was maddening.

Scarlett closed her eyes again, desperately wishing she could escape from her feelings for a while and she longed for the tried and true comfort of her razor. It could save her from this, she was pretty sure. However, her razor wasn't here nor was anything else she could use, so she sadly resigned herself to trying to cope with these feelings. At least until she could get her hands on something.

The sudden sound of footsteps and voices shook Scarlett out of her dark thoughts and she wondered if whoever it was was coming to see her. She mentally groaned at the thought - - she'd had enough of doctors for a lifetime at this point.

Scarlett didn't bother opening her eyes as she heard a female voice greet her and say something about taking her vital signs. Honestly, she didn't even care at this point. It was all whatever.

It wasn't until she heard a distinctive male voice, a voice that made her heart skip a beat, that her eyes finally popped open.

"Well hello, miss Scarlett. How are you doin' today? You gave us all a scare yesterday, ya know." He grinned his stupid crooked grin at her and the sudden butterflies that invaded her stomach made her feel slightly ill. Damn butterflies thinking they could just fly around like they owned the place.

Before Scarlett could reply the nurse at her side did.

"Oh yeah, you're the one who brought her in right, Johnny?"

Scarlett took a moment to study Johnny as he was more focused on the nurse. He wasn't wearing the uniform he'd been wearing yesterday but instead had on jeans and a plain brown button up shirt. His longish hair was also mussed like he'd just hopped out of bed. Maybe he had.

"Sure did. She knows exactly how to scare a fella. Passed out on me at the scene and then Brackett had me start an IV a little later and she passed out again."

Scarlett turned her focus on the nurse now. Her blonde hair was up in a bun with a weird nurse's cap and she was wearing a white pantsuit she'd never seen nurses wear before. Huh.

"Must've scared you pretty good to be here on your day off." She gave him a look Scarlett couldn't quite read. Was it sarcasm? Amusement?

"Well you know how it is, Dix. I gotta check up on my patient, make sure she's all right."

Ah, so that was Dixie. Johnny seemed like good friends with her and Scarlett felt a pang of jealousy in her stomach. What if they weren't just friends?

Johnny flashed Scarlett another grin and she noticed the smile Dixie had. It was definitely amusement, no doubt about it.

"Right, well, I have to get back to work. Don't make her pass out again." She teased as she started making her way out.

Scarlett heard Johnny's indignant "what?" but Dixie just turned and looked her right in the eyes and smiled before turning and leaving. She felt her heart racing. Did Dixie know?


	8. Chapter 8

With Dixie gone, Johnny's attention turned directly on to Scarlett. Giving her his now signature crooked grin, one that both sent Scarlett's heart a flutter as well as disgust her, due to how it made her feel, he then shook his head.

"Dixie is a little confusing... Dunno what she meant by that." Johnny replied.

Scarlett choked down her fear at Dixie knowing, and forced a reply out, her heart still racing, though more out of simply talking to Johnny alone.

"So today is your day off." She replied sheepishly.

"Yes, ma'am. Figured I would stop by and make sure you were okay. Not every day a young woman like yourself comes in, with very little sign of injury, and faints twice. Even Doc is a little perplexed" Johnny said, running a hand through his hair, only to realize how negative what he said sounds and quickly add, "Though I'm sure he would be here too if there was anything serious to worry about. We'll take care of you, no need to worry."

Scarlett swallowed, her heart skipping a beat when he said they would take care of her. Johnny had implied he would be there for her too, and the feelings that hit her were a mixture.

"Thanks. Um, is there any way I can get out of this bed though..." She replied, her eyes looking away from him as she talked, so as not to make a fool of herself from what his beautiful face did to her.

"Oh? I almost forgot you have been in this bed the entire time you have been here." Though most of it was asleep, she added to his words in her head. "I'm sure Dixie can find you some more proper clothing so that you can see the hospital. Though given your fainting spells, probably be best if someone accompany you for the time being."

" I see..." Scarlett mumbled, hoping Johnny didn't volunteer to show her around.

"I could do so if you want? Don't have anything else to do today, even if it is my time off." Johnny replied, once again with a smile.

"I'll think about it." Scarlett replied, upset that so quickly he had volunteered, right after hoping he wouldn't. Part of her wanted to instantly turn him down, while another, the part she hated about herself right now, eagerly wanted to accept.

"Alright, Miss. Scarlett, then for the time being, I'll take my leave. I'll tell Dixie about the clothes, and about my offer. She will know how to get in touch with me if you take me up on it. "

And with that, he finally left. Scarlett let out a sigh of relief as soon as he was gone. Among other things this experience had told her was another clue that what she understood of the world might not be right. After all, she didn't find anything wrong with her current clothes, in fact, she thought she looked decent enough. Johnny had however implied that what she was wearing wasn't exactly proper attire for a woman. Furthermore, she still felt extremely uncomfortable around Johnny, so she couldn't exactly search for more information from him, nor would Dr. Brackett be a good source, given he probably already thought she was crazy, and truth be told, maybe she was, given how her hard work of erasing her emotions had so easily been destroyed by that stupidly attractive smile of Johnny's.


	9. Chapter 9

It wasn't long until Dixie reentered the room, a bundle of old fashioned clothes in hand. She placed them at the foot of the bed, with a slight knowing smile.

"So how was it with Johnny? I hear he asked if you wanted him to show you around." She said, her gaze seemingly piercing through Scarlett and reading her emotions like a book. Scarlett swallowed hard, anxiety filling her up. She would die if Johnny found out how she felt.

"Not to worry, I won't let the boys know. Besides, it's not like there still isn't a concern with the memory lapse even if the fainting itself can be explained, " Dixie placed down another gift at the foot of her bed, a newspaper. "Hopefully this will help a bit with that. Let me know if you want to take Johnny up on his offer."

With that, she left, leaving Scarlett to change into the clothes she had left. Trying to put the mixture of emotions she felt aside for the moment, she focused on just that, changing into the clothes left. They were different. Scarlett had seen a few hipsters or old people wear clothes like this, but to her, they were lame.

Once fully changed, she picked up the newspaper, almost dropping it immediately. 1976. Exactly forty years from what she knew. No wonder everyone thought she was crazy... Or really all the weird things she had seen since that damn cat had led her to the events that wound her in that hole.

To be honest, she hated that cat, now for the fact that she was in a year before she was even born, as well as the fact that it lead her to feeling emotions for a man she wished she didn't.

If only she had ignored it, she could still be in her bed, with the comfort of her razor, how she longed for her razor now. A habit that in the current generation would be frowned upon and thought of as crazy.

Letting out a sigh, she covered herself in the blankets of her hospital bed, wishing everything, especially Johnny, would vanish forever. Time elapsed as she wished, noises faintly being heard by her though she cared not who or what they belonged to. She imagined Dixie or Brackett had come to check on her a few times, but it was all meaningless and lost to her.

It wasn't until she heard his voice, a voice that cut through her like butter, filling her with those dreaded feelings again, that she finally acknowledged the world outside her blankets again. Pulling them down, she was once again greeted by another one of his infuriatingly attractive smiles.

"Dixie and the doc were worried, so Dixie recommended I come in and check up on you." He said, once he was sure he had her attention. "Said you had been under those blankets since shortly after I left you, and that you weren't responding to anything. Not to state the obvious, but is something the matter?"

Letting out another sigh, both from exhaustion as well as from once again finding herself face to face with the man who she found herself attracted to, she looked at his eyes, fighting not to get lost in them, before replying, "I'm... Alright. Just had a lot on my mind."

"I see. Well, if you ever need to talk about anything, I would be happy to listen. Just wish the best for you, miss Scarlett. It is part of my job after all."

"... Thank... You." She replied, struggling slightly to say the words. She always felt so uncomfortable talking with him, and it upset her so. She had been the pinnacle of apathy, and now she was undeniably attracted to this man, even if she clung to her former apathy as best she could.

"Now that you are properly changed, do you mind taking a walk with me, Miss. Scarlett?" Johnny asked.


	10. Chapter 10

Scarlett walked beside Johnny, her heart seemingly pounding nonstop. She almost feared he could hear it, as he casually strolled beside her. How did she find herself in this position? She could have just said no, declined, and retreated to the safety of her covers. But here she was, walking through the hospital hall beside the man she had a crush on in clothes from 1976 during 1976. It was terrifying for sure.

He led her down hallway after hallway, for once actually growing silent for a change, which made Scarlett happy, since she didn't know if she could manage to speak at the moment. He didn't say where they were going either, just that he wanted to show her something.

As they walked, the pair passed several doctors and nurses, as well as exam rooms, none, thankfully, were Dixie, or Brackett, both she didn't want to see for distinctly different reasons. Brackett mostly because she felt that he thought she had lost her mind from the fainting spells or something, and Dixie because the woman knew her crush, and feared what she would say if she saw Scarlett and Johnny together.

Finally, Johnny came to a pair of double doors, and pushed one open, letting in a burst of light, as the sun rayed down from the outside. Stepping out, Scarlett found herself in a small courtyard, with a row of flowers lined up in a corner. From her time, she had seen similar courtyards, having visited many a hospital due to people not understanding her cutting, and knew it was to allow patients a chance to a little freedom, and outdoors, should they have to stay in the hospital for extended times, though given the time period, it was doubtful many people came to the hospital for mental health, so all the normal occupants of this courtyard probably had something physically wrong.

Leading her to a small bench beside the flowers, he sat down, grinning his signature grin as he motioned for her to sit with him.

"I come out here to relax, " He said, "when I don't feel like leaving the hospital."

"It's... Nice." She replied, from her place beside him, her heart still racing. She wasn't one for flowers and outside, nor was she one for sitting beside a guy she was experiencing an emotion towards that she didn't think she had anymore either.

"It is. Lot of the nurses come here occasionally too, so I figured you might enjoy it. Plus it is better than being in that hospital bed all day."

He took a brief pause, as if to let her take everything in, before continuing to speak.

"Any more fainting spells?" His voice took on a more professional sound, as he asked.

"No." She replied, with a mental not yet.

"Well that is a good thing." He replied, with a small smile.

"I guess." She replied, not wishing to have a long conversation.

"Miss Scarlett, no offense, but I want to talk with you. Hard to do so if you don't reciprocate." He said, noticing the abruptness of her responses.

She knew he wouldn't let it go. Even if she didn't fully know him personally, some part of her knew he wouldn't let her just continue to not talk to him, and so choking down her fear a little, her heart pounding hard in her chest, she finally began to talk.


	11. Chapter 11

The only issue Scarlett had was that she wasn't exactly sure what to talk about. After all, she didn't exactly know anything to talk about, since everything she knew was currently 40 years in the future, mentally sighing at her luck. On the bright side, as that fact had slowly sunk in, it returned a little of her apathy. After all, it made almost too much sense that the guy she had a crush on would be an old man in her time. Only she could fall for someone that once she got back to her time, she could never be with. Though this was all assuming such a thing were possible.

Taking a deep breath, to slightly calm herself, she spoke.

"Wouldn't assume you were into flowers." She replied, not sure exactly what to say, and thus settling on the trivial.

"I'm not really, I come here for other reasons. That said, hard to not at the very least appreciate the beauty of them." Johnny replied.

"I see." She replied.

"Not to change the subject, but if you don't mind, Miss Scarlett, why were you hiding under your covers since shorty after I left."

Scarlett's cheeks flushed red with embarrassment, another emotion she wasn't used to feeling anymore, at the knowledge that he considered her having hid under her covers. It was true, but coming from him, it was embarrassing as well.

"Just had some stuff on my mind, is all." She stuttered out.

"I see..." He replied, obviously not sure exactly what to make of her response. "Well, Brackett and Dixie were worried. Said you had refused meals, and were practically unresponsive..."

Letting out a slight sigh, he continued.

"As well, I was worried to be honest. Which is why I came to your room and asked you to come with me."

Johnny was worried about her? Her heart seemed to skip a beat, and it felt like she lost all the air in her lungs. Luckily Johnny was looking at the flowers and not her.

"Oh...?" She stammered out, the words lower than normal.

"Yes, of course, I brought you in, so in some ways, you are as much my responsibility as Brackett or Dixie." He replied, matter-of-factly. "Your wellbeing is my utmost importance, and I care about you, Miss Scarlett."

"I see... " She replied, not exactly sure what to say in response. Her heart was working in overdrive, and she couldn't pretend to herself that his admission of worrying as well as caring about her didn't emotional affect her to a significant degree. Why did he have so much power over her emotions? Why did he have to be so attractive...?

"So if you ever need to talk, I am here for you, Miss Scarlett." He stated, giving her another one of those darn smiles, her heart throbbing at it.

She felt like she was on an emotional rollercoaster, unable to keep up with the drastic emotions she was feeling.

Once again, she yearned to have her razor... But her razor wasn't even her razor yet, nor likely even been made, nor did she know how to replace it.


	12. Chapter 12

Johnny stared at Scarlett as if waiting, hoping she had something to share. Eagerly awaiting something, anything of the things he knew were obviously troubling her to be spoken.

But they didn't come. Sighing, slightly so as not to be heard by Scarlett, he turned away from her and back at the flowers. He had hoped she would open up to him. Truthfully, he really did care, probably beyond a professional level, but something about Scarlett seemed different than the usual women he met, and it interested him, and he wanted to make sure she was okay.

Beside him, he heard her take a deep breath, as if the cool Californian air would rid her of the unpleasantness of her thoughts.

He waited, thinking about how different it was to be here with Scarlett, in contrast to the last time he was in the courtyard, trying to shamelessly flirt with a nurse who was on break, though his flirting had failed epically. He had no desire to flirt with Scarlett though, not that he didn't want to, but rather he felt it was awkward, and uncouth in relation to her. She deserved better than shameless flirts.

After a while, several minutes going by, he finally heard her speak, her words unsure and he could tell she was forcing herself to speak against some force telling her not to.

"It's just that I don't belong here, and I'm scared." She said, her voice low, and Johnny forced himself to hear her, as he knew he wouldn't get her to repeat herself. "I feel things I shouldn't, things I thought I never would before, all the while far from the things that gave me comfort. I don't know what I should do, and I'm confused, and it frightens me more, and I wish I could just escape, but I can't. Not anymore. Not with the judgement that will come, and the consequences of that."

"I see." Johnny said, not sure how to respond.

"But you don't, no one can, no one did before, when I stopped caring for the world, and no one will now. Especially now. Because no one can understand me now. I am out of the correct place in time."

"Then you just have to find your right place? Right? And you have people like Brackett, and Dixie to help you. As well as me." Johnny replied, making sure to emphasize the fact that he would be there for her. To support her.

"I dunno. It's just so overwhelming. I want to escape so badly" She said, her voice cracking, as the emotions she had been bottling all day quickly started to seep out. "I want so badly to return to how things were. To not feel the way I do. To be in the place I am. I wish I had just died when I had followed that cat, and never fell into the hole where you found me. I wish it had just ended there, so that I wouldn't be where I am now."

Tears started to stream down from Scarlett's eyes, causing a pain in Johnny's heart.

"It's okay, Miss Scarlett. Look at me." He said, touching her chin with his hand and making her look at his eyes, a slight shock coursing through him when he did. "It will be okay. We will figure it out. But never wish you were dead. It would be a great tragedy for you to not be around. A great tragedy to me more than anything else. "

Finding a way to do so from their positions, he gave her a hug, trying to comfort her, as she continued to cry into his shoulder.


	13. Chapter 13

A few days later, Scarlett found herself sitting in her hospital bed thinking over the recent days. Johnny had come every day to see her regardless of whether he was on duty, however those visits were often short lived. She had found that she was now comfortable enough with him that even the slightest touch no longer sent her into a panic attack induced faint. There was definite progress being made, although Scarlett still found herself a bit shy with him but who wouldn't?

Something that bothered her, however, was how she had completely disintegrated that day in the courtyard with him. He hadn't mentioned it again but it annoyed her how she could completely lose grip on her emotions, especially with him, someone she barely even knew. Yet, deep in her heart she knew that she trusted him and he wouldn't hold her breakdown against her. It didn't make it okay though, not by a long shot. Silently, Scarlett made a vow to never let herself fall apart in front of him like that again and she hoped she could keep it.

She hated showing too much emotion and it'd been easy to avoid before. After all it was hard to show too much when you were numbed to the world and its crap. Now however she was having a harder time with it, ever since she'd looked into his dark eyes. Scarlett wished she could go back to before she'd met him, to not have followed the dumb cat, but a part of herself knew she was lying. Johnny lit up her world and she wasn't ready to let that go, even if she hated admitting it to herself.

There was just something different, something special about Johnny that Scarlett found she was drawn to. Of course she'd heard the nurse's gossip though, and she knew Johnny was a downright flirt and wannabe player. Scarlett didn't know why but none of the nurses she'd ever heard gossiping had actually went out on a date with him. Was there something wrong with him and everyone knew it but her? Pushing that thought aside, she tried to pretend she didn't care that he'd flirted with so many of them, but damn, she did and she let the jealousy settle in.

It also begged the question, why hadn't he ever flirted with her? Was he only into nurses? Was he just not into her? Was there something wrong with HER? Well... Of course there was. There was plenty wrong with her and Scarlett couldn't blame him if he thought she was too screwed up. Her breakdown in the courtyard certainly wouldn't have helped, either. Way to show a guy you just met how crazy you are.

Of course she'd come to realize that even he wasn't so perfect himself, but he was still perfect for her. Scarlett knew from past experience, though, that sometimes it didn't matter how much you liked someone if they weren't into you the same way. Certainly, it'd be a miracle if someone like Johnny ever liked her, and she found herself hoping against all odds that he did.

Filled with renewed depression, Scarlett buried herself into her blankets and shut the world out once more. She realized she'd developed this habit years ago but she'd never wanted to break it, it was just too good. Although in her own time she would've had her phone to listen to music and make the occasional angsty Facebook post and she missed that.

Noise suddenly startled her and Scarlett realized she must've fallen asleep, if her grogginess was any indication. Before she had time to really think about it, the blanket was lifted up and pulled off and she caught sight of Johnny standing there.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Okay people don't hide under blankets for hours and ignore everyone around them." Johnny pointed out. Well, he wasn't wrong.

"I'm fine, don't worry about it." Scarlett ground out.

She watched as Johnny squatted down next to her, bringing them to the same eye level. It was written all over his face that he didn't believe her.

"You know you can talk to me, right? I've been told I'm a good listener." And there was that stupidly attractive grin again.

Scarlett would've rolled her eyes at him if she hadn't gotten distracted by how close their faces were and realized how much she really, really wanted to kiss him. How easy it would be to simply lean over and press her lips to his. Scarlett imagined it'd be the kind of bliss she'd only dreamed of...but it wouldn't be appropriate. She didn't even know how he felt towards her, in fact she was now leaning towards him not being interested in her at all, so this would be a very inappropriate move indeed. Still, her mind swirled with thoughts that couldn't be stopped.

Out of nowhere a snort and voice she didn't recognize brought her out of her less than innocent thoughts and she averted her gaze from Johnny's lips to a man with strawberry blonde hair who looked decidedly amused.

"You're a good listener, huh? When were you gonna let me in on that secret?" The man smirked at Johnny, who looked less than pleased.

"Can it, Roy. You know I'm a good listener!"

"Yeah, maybe if it's the sound of your own voice you're listening to."

Johnny let out an exasperated sigh and started to say something before he was cut off by the man, Roy, before he could even get a word out.

"So, I take it you're Scarlett? I'm Roy DeSoto, Johnny and I are partners. I didn't get to properly meet you last time since you passed out before we got you out of that hole. Johnny has been talking nonstop about you though, so I feel like I know you." Roy chuckled and Scarlett noted the embarrassed look Johnny had and was that a slight blush too?

Before she could even open her mouth to reply, Johnny let out an indignant "Roy!" and Roy moved to the door.

"Nice to meet you, Scarlett. Come on, Johnny, we have to get back to the station. Already got supplies and Dixie said the most curious thing... "

Scarlett felt her heart stop and positively turn to ice. If Dixie said anything about her crush to him...

"Oh yeah? What'd she say?" Johnny's demeanor was that of a defeated man and Scarlett had to stop herself from giggling. These two men were quite obviously close friends and Roy definitely knew just what to say to him.

"She said that you've been here even on your days off. Guess I know why you canceled dinner with me, Joanne, and the kids, huh?" Roy's eyes seemed to be positively twinkling with unhidden amusement at this situation and Scarlett loved it. She decided right then and there that she liked Johnny's friend and wouldn't mind if he came around more. He was amusing and seemed to balance Johnny out perfectly.

Johnny huffed and briefly turned towards her to say he'd be back later and stalked out of the room, amused Roy behind him.


	14. Chapter 14

At some point Dixie had returned and informed Scarlett that she would be released from the hospital soon, as they had found nothing on her tests that indicated a need for continued hospitalization. While she was happy at the prospect of finally leaving the dreary confines of the hospital, she was also terrified as she knew she had nowhere to go. Scarlett, knowing she couldn't tell anyone the truth about her time travel, quickly concocted a sob story worthy of an award. Dixie had felt so bad for her that she agreed to let her stay with her until she found somewhere else.

As she sat on the edge of her bed waiting for her discharge papers to be written up, something she knew could take awhile, her thoughts drifted to the earlier encounter with Johnny and Roy. Roy had said Johnny had been talking nonstop about her and had even canceled plans with him to come see her and Johnny had seemed almost embarrassed. What did this mean?

Scarlett wasn't dense, she knew what this could mean, but she found it was better to not get her hopes up. For when you got your hopes up they were in prime position to be crushed, and she wasn't sure she could take getting these hopes crushed. Still, the thought that he might return her feelings had risen to the forefront of her mind and threatened to overcome her and Scarlett knew she had to find out soon, if only to save her sanity. Or at least some of it.

Scarlett also knew that Dixie would almost certainly guarantee that Johnny knew where she was and she almost wished she wouldn't. Maybe disappearing without a trace would be a good thing. If he did like her, she knew dragging him into the mess that was her life would be completely unfair to him. She was like a tornado, she destroyed everyone around her, and Johnny was too good of a person to do that to. This was just one of many downsides to having feelings for someone. Why couldn't she have just stayed numb?

Sudden noise outside her door made her look up and she half expected it to be Johnny, but instead it was Dixie who informed her that her discharge papers were finished and she could go. Dixie had also said that she had just enough time to take Scarlett to her home before she had to be back at the hospital since she didn't get off until later.

It wasn't long before she found herself alone in Dixie's apartment with nothing to do. Yes, she had books and a TV like she'd only seen in antique shops, but there wasn't much entertainment to be found there. Then, a thought hit her.

Making her way into Dixie's bathroom Scarlett rummaged through her bathroom supplies...until she found exactly what she was looking for. Razors. She didn't think Dixie would miss one as she took it and went off to her room to finally get some much needed comfort.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning Scarlett woke in a strange bed, in a strange room, with a familiar pleasant aching in her wrist. She yawned and stretched in her bed as the memories of the previous day came back to her and made her smile slightly. Yes, she had finally gotten the relief she'd needed during her annoyingly long hospital stay. She only felt a little guilty as she knew Johnny wouldn't approve of her coping mechanism, however what he didn't know couldn't hurt him, right?

Pushing thoughts of Johnny from her mind, Scarlett padded to the bathroom and quickly located the bandages Dixie kept. She'd need to be extra sneaky about hiding her wounds, especially in this time period. The last thing she wanted was for people to think she was crazy, especially Johnny. His opinion meant everything to her after all.

Doing her bathroom business and dressing in clothes Dixie had lent her, as they were similar in size and build, she exited the bathroom and headed towards the kitchen. Stopping short, she could hear voices from the dining area, a conversation clearly in full swing. Scarlett's heart fluttered as she heard the unmistakable voice of none other than Johnny from her hiding place behind the wall. From what she could tell, he was in the middle of telling some kind of story and his voice was like sweet music to her ears.

Scarlett wondered if Dixie had indeed told him of her whereabouts or if this was something he always did. Of course he had come to see her on his days off, but maybe he came over to Dixie's and had breakfast with her sometimes. She honestly had no idea and this worried her. What if he wanted to talk again? Scarlett wasn't so sure she was ready to be alone with him again.

Taking a deep breath to prepare herself, Scarlett moved from her hiding spot and entered the room as all eyes turned to her.

"Hey there, sleepyhead. We didn't think you'd ever get up." Dixie good naturedly teased her. "I saved you some breakfast although with Johnny here it was pretty difficult."

"It was not! I didn't get dinner last night!"

"Tough night?" Dixie inquired. "Scarlett, you can have a seat next to Johnny and I'll get you a plate."

Scarlett could've sworn she saw a smile as Dixie turned her back to her. Slowly, almost reluctantly, she made her way to her seat. Next to Johnny. The voice inside her head was screaming a little and she wished it'd shut up.

"You're tellin' me. Every time I sat down to eat we'd get a call and by the time we got back, Chet had eaten the rest of the food and naturally had to rub it in my face. One of these days he's gonna get it." Johnny replied, shifting his focus onto Scarlett. "Well hey, Miss. Scarlett. Heard you got out of the hospital. How are you doin'?"

Scarlett felt herself immediately blush at being addressed by Johnny and he hoped he didn't notice. He was uncomfortably close and it was almost unnerving.

"I'm fine. How are you though? Sounds like you had a rough night." She lamely replied trying to shift the focus off of her and back onto him. Surely he'd rather talk about himself.

He ran a hand through his already mused hair. Did he even own a hair brush? Did they all burn in a fire? What happened to them? The world may never know.

"Yeah it was rough but it wasn't as bad as it coulda been. Only had several calls through the night and one of them was for a cat in a tree. At midnight. I'm not even making this up." The infamous grin made a reappearance. "We get the weirdest calls sometimes. Although it is hard sometimes telling little old ladies that we can't get fluffy out of the tree. It's not our job to rescue cats, ya know? Don't tell Cap but sometimes we do anyway though."

Scarlett found herself giggling. She could actually picture Johnny on a ladder rescuing a cat from a tree for a little old lady. That was just the kind of person he was.

He was about to say something when Dixie walked back over and sat a plate in front of her.

"There you go. I'm sure you'll like this a lot more than the hospital's food." She grinned at her and Scarlett found herself returning it.

"Yeah, thanks Dixie."

"Ugh, don't remind me of hospital food. I've had enough of that stuff to last me a lifetime." Johnny interjected. "I don't see how you can even call that stuff food."

"Well, let's just hope you aren't a visitor to Hotel Rampart again anytime soon then. After all, I don't think my nurses can take it." Dixie grinned at him and it made Scarlett wonder just how many times Johnny had been in the hospital as a patient.

"Hey, I'm a great patient! I just get bored, I'm only human."

Dixie rolled her eyes.

"Don't I know it. Half of my nursing staff refuse to attend to you because of your relentless attempts at flirting."

Scarlett coughed, nearly choking on her food. Yes, she knew he flirted and it annoyed the nurses but she didn't know most of them refused to care for him. If she wasn't so jealous she'd laugh at this.

"Whoa, easy Miss. Scarlett. You okay?" Johnny's attention had turned back to her. Damn.

"Y - yeah, I'm fine, just went down the wrong way is all." Scarlett meekly replied. It was always uncomfortable being the focus of his attention and she wished he'd resume his conversation with Dixie.

"Here, drink some water." He handed her her glass of water and she could tell he was in paramedic mode for sure. Double damn.

Thankfully Dixie came to her rescue and the knowing smile she gave Scarlett didn't go unnoticed by her. Of course Dixie would know why she almost choked to death at the mention of Johnny flirting with who knows how many nurses.

"So Johnny, what are your plans for today?"

Johnny watched Scarlett a moment longer before turning to Dixie.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure yet. I was hoping Miss. Scarlett here would join me though."

Suddenly she was the victim of the damned smile again and she fought back the urge to choke on her water at both the smile and his words. Why did he want to hang out with her? Was this like his way of asking her on a date? Could she refuse?

Quickly she turned to Dixie, who only offered her an encouraging smile, which honestly made her wonder if she had anything to do with this. Clearly she couldn't count on Dixie to save her from this man who had her completely awestruck.

Sighing to herself, Scarlett knew there was no way out of this. To reject him now could potentially mean ending any chance of them ever dating, and she knew she couldn't risk it. She knew she'd have to just try and deal with her nervousness of being alone with him.

"Yeah, of course, I'd love to." Scarlett found herself saying and the best part was that she wasn't even lying.


	16. Chapter 16

After finishing breakfast and saying goodbye to Dixie, Scarlett found herself with Johnny in his white Land Rover. At least, that's what he called it, to her it was just some almost embarrassingly antique looking jeep type thing. In any case, she noted he seemed proud of it and that was more than enough reason for her to keep her opinion on it to herself.

Scarlett also noted for someone who had said he didn't have a plan, he sure acted like he had one. Clearly he'd figured something out during the brief time it took her to finish breakfast and she wondered what he had in mind. It almost scared her to think about. What did people even do for fun in the 1970's?

"So," Johnny finally broke the silence. "Have you ever been rollerskating before?"

Scarlett thought about it. She didn't think she had, honestly. Oh, this was going to be horrible.

Sometime later they emerged, Johnny looking satisfied and her looking horrified. Yeah, Scarlett definitely couldn't skate, much to his amusement. He'd probably never let her live down the fact she had to practically hold onto him for dear life the entire time. At least it had given her the perfect excuse to hold onto her crush for awhile, so she supposed it evened out somewhat.

Scarlett did wonder if Johnny had anything else planned, however. Surely this wasn't all he had in mind, was it? She wasn't sure and he was being awfully quiet but her question was answered as they loaded into his car.

"So how are you doin'?" Johnny finally broke the silence that had seemed to last forever, but in actuality had only been a few minutes. Any silence with Johnny seemed to last forever, especially since he proved to be a talkative guy.

"Weird, but I suddenly got deja vu. Like you've asked me that once already." Scarlett threw out a friendly tease at him. She knew from his conversation with Roy that he could take them, albeit not all that well depending on the subject.

She watched, with some disappointment, as the corner of his mouth curled up in a tiny small before he replied. She'd admittedly expected more of a reaction.

"I mean, how are you really doin'?" He said as he briefly turned to look at her before putting his car into drive and pulling out of the parking place. "When we talked in the courtyard that day you said some stuff I can't get out of my head."

Scarlett felt a blush slowly creeping up her face as she recalled that day well and she hated that he'd bring it up again. She'd hoped he would forget.

"Like I said before, I'm fine. I mean, I'm fine as I can be, given things, but still fine enough. I just got overly emotional and said some things I shouldn't have. It's okay though, I'm fine." Scarlett realized her explanation was pretty flimsy but damn, she really didn't wanna revisit this conversation.

"I know what it's like to say things you shouldn't, but...you said you don't feel like you belong here and you wished you'd died that day. That didn't seem like spur of the moment, overly emotional talk. It felt like something you'd considered before." He said in a tone that she noticed didn't carry the same cheerful quality she was used to hearing from him. Even that day in the courtyard he hadn't sounded this serious. This wasn't just bad, this was very bad.

Scarlett let a sigh escape, she really didn't wanna do this. Especially not with him.

"Like I keep saying, I'm fine. Life is just shitty sometimes, you know? I was just stressed out with everything and I said that stuff." Scarlett couldn't even hide the annoyance in her voice and she immediately regretted it. Snapping at the only real person who seemed to care about her, who also happened to be her crush, wasn't the greatest idea. "Sorry. I just get annoyed when people do that. I said I was okay, I shouldn't have to keep repeating it."

There was a slight pause before Johnny answered and Scarlett figured he was searching for the right words. It was clear he didn't want to irritate her more, and it made her feel bad. As usual she'd screwed up.


	17. Chapter 17

"I didn't mean to upset you but you gotta think how that sounded to me. Imagine hearing a great woman like yourself say she wishes she were dead." He finally said.

Immediately she felt herself stiffen and she knew that she really fucked up that day. This was a prime example of why she didn't like talking to people about her feelings nor losing control of herself to where all of her bottled up emotions poured out. It only led to situations like these.

"I know... It was stupid to say. I won't say things like that anymore. I'm sorry."

Again there was a slight pause while he seemed to be considering his words before he spoke.

"I just want you to talk to me if you need to, all right? Regardless of what Roy thinks, I'm perfectly capable of listening."

Scarlett would've smirked a little at the reminder of Roy's comment if Johnny's tone hadn't still indicated how serious he was about this. It was sweet he kept offering to listen, but she knew she couldn't talk to him about any of her feelings. It would only scare him, or worse.

"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind." Scarlett replied and she wondered if he'd know that she was lying.

If he did, he didn't say anything and she turned her attention to anywhere but him. For the first time she found herself wishing she could get away from him, for reasons other than her overwhelming feelings for him. Damn him for bringing up that conversation.

The silence was awkward and seemed to stretch on, neither of them knowing what exactly to say next. Scarlett wondered if Johnny thought she was mad at him which couldn't have been any further from the truth. With him, she could never quite tell what he was thinking. He had a way of hiding his emotions where sometimes you wouldn't even realize he was hiding them. Scarlett found she could relate.

She let her mind wander and she wondered what Johnny's life had been like. Maybe Scarlett was wrong, but she got the feeling like maybe he'd had a similar life as her. There was just something about him, something much deeper than his looks, that drew her to him.

"Would you wanna see a movie?" Johnny's voice finally broke the silence and Scarlett noticed he sounded as awkward as she felt.

"Um, yeah, sure. I don't mind."

"Any specific one you'd like to see?" He asked and it made her hope that he wasn't going to press this. She had no idea what was even playing in 1976. Not that she really cared.

"Not really."

"You sure?" Johnny was clearly distrustful of her answer, as if he had trouble believing she didn't really mind.

"Yeah, I'm definitely sure."

Scarlett could almost see his eyes narrow but it didn't really matter. Let him be that way.

Not too long after they pulled into a drive in movie theater and it blew her mind. She'd never actually seen one in person, only in old pictures and films, as they, for the most part, no longer existed in her time.

As the movie started, Scarlett found she didn't particularly care for it. It was a movie called Rocky or something and it definitely wasn't the type of movie she would've picked. Scarlett would've preferred something more dramatic, with more death, but this was fine, it didn't matter. At least not being interested in the movie gave her more time to sneakily look at Johnny. And sneakily look Scarlett did.

As Johnny seemed to be more absorbed in the movie than she was, she found she could take her time studying him out of the corner of her eye. Scarlett noted the bags under his eyes that she previously hadn't noticed. It was pretty obvious he didn't get much sleep on a regular basis and it made her feel bad for him. Secondly, the desire to kiss him was back in full force.

Too little, too late Scarlett realized she was looking at Johnny a little less sneakily than she thought as he turned to look at her. Oops. She'd never been this bad at being sneaky before.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Johnny questioned. He was clearly confused about this. The poor innocent man. He obviously wasn't too observant and it was kinda cute really. It just made her next move incredibly risky.

Heart pounding, Scarlett leaned over, their faces only inches apart. So close she could smell his cologne. Before she could overthink things and chicken out, she finally closed the distance between them as she pressed her lips to his.

For a second she worried that Johnny wouldn't return the kiss, maybe she had been too bold, maybe he didn't really like her, and maybe everything was now ruined. Just as the panicked thoughts began, they were dispelled as he began to kiss her back. Was this heaven? Surely it had to be. She was currently in a lip lock with her crush and these things just never happened. Ever.

After several more seconds passed they broke away from each other, each slightly breathless. Scarlett found herself looking into his eyes and seeing something there, something new, and before she could ponder it, Johnny met her lips again. This time more roughly. If she thought the first kiss was amazing, this kiss was a new level of amazing, so much so that she never wanted it to end.

Could her life possibly be any better?


	18. Chapter 18 (WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT!)

Turns out it could.

Scarlett didn't know exactly when things had gotten less than innocent but they had. The proof of that being in the way Johnny had taken her to his house and currently had her pinned half naked to the wall, kissing her roughly. Any other time would've left her alarmed at where her pants could've possibly flew off to but now wasn't the time to worry about it. There were bigger things to worry about, such as the growing bulge in Johnny's pants. Which he still regrettably had on. At least he'd lost his shirt somewhere.

Getting impatient, Scarlett grinded against him, earning what sounded like a growl. She figured that was a positive sign, and even more so was how he had basically ripped off her shirt and bra. As he groped her fleshy melons roughly, like he was checking ripeness in tomatoes, she had to stifle a moan. His very touch was like heaven.

Now Scarlett really couldn't take it anymore, those damn pants had to go. Why had she let him keep them on for so long anyway? She wasn't sure. It didn't matter much now though as she made quick work of undoing his belt and zipper and yet another pair of pants flew off into the pants abyss.

Still locked in a heated kiss, Scarlett found her hand sliding into his boxers and fondling his balls like one handles dice before throwing them. Breaking away from the kiss, she knelt down and removed the last barrier between them. Finally free of his boxers, Johnny's hard pork sword sprung free and Scarlett had to watch that she didn't poke her eye out. Hard peepees were very dangerous things.

Without any further delay, she licked his schlong like she'd lick a popsicle on a 100 degree day. Hearing Johnny moan only encouraged her to keep going as she twirled her tongue around the tip of his wiener. If Scarlett hadn't been reassured by his moaning, one look at his face surely would've been encouragement enough. As Scarlett continued slobbering all over his hardened meat, she noted that his eyes had closed and his head had tilted back slightly. He looked to be in a state of pure bliss.

"Oh my God, Scarlett, " Johnny breathed, pushing her mouth off of him. "Where did you learn to do that?"

Scarlett found herself shrugging.

"Natural talent I guess."

Johnny just grinned at her as he picked her up like a sack of potatoes and deposited her on his bed. Once there he climbed on top of her and the making out began anew.

Scarlett could feel the hardness of his pork tenderloin between her legs and it was driving her insane with desire. She just wanted to feel him inside her finally. Johnny must've felt the same way as he clamored off the bed and went to root around in his nightstand, coming back a second later with what he had retrieved. As Scarlett watched him open the package and unroll the rubber on to his sizable meat pole (safety first, my peeps! Don't be silly, wrap your willy!) she almost sighed in relief for she had forgotten all about protection in the heat of the moment.

At long last, Johnny finally mounted her and threw his sausage into her trashcan and as his schlong entered her love-tunnel, he let out a long sigh, almost like he was bored but he wasn't. Johnny found himself moaning uncontrollably as Scarlett's cooter strangled his man-wand like a snake strangles his prey. Even Scarlett was all too aware of how good it felt as his man-spatula toasted her buns to perfection. There surely could be nothing better than this moment.

She just laid there like a mattress and took it until finally, after what seemed like thirty seconds, his entire body tensed and he let out a long groan, and it was over.

Johnny sighed as he rolled off of her and tossed the now soiled rubber protection into the nearest garbage can. Scarlett thought he was done with her until he grabbed her and pulled her against him in a tight cuddle.

"That was the best sex I've ever had." He mumbled against her neck, causing her to shiver with returning desire.

"Same." Scarlett replied, and she knew there would be a round two. Maybe three.


	19. Chapter 19

A few months later found Scarlett settled into her new life with Johnny. Things had been going so perfectly that he had asked her to be his girlfriend and eventually to move in with him and she of course accepted both. It was like living her wildest dreams. Nothing could be any more perfect.

As Scarlett stretched slowly in the bed her and Johnny shared, she noticed the time. It was well past noon, the clock read. Also she noted she felt like she was hit by a truck. Okay, well, maybe things could be better.

Although Scarlett hated to admit it, she knew she was sick. She couldn't recall the last time she'd been sick, maybe sometime during high school? It'd been years though. Could this get any worse?

Unfortunately, yes it definitely could. She knew Johnny would insist on taking care of her and she hated being taken care of that way. It annoyed her to have to admit to needing other's help, even if she really did. It'd be preferable if she could just rot in bed until the entire illness was over and done with. No way he'd allow it, though.

Gathering up enough strength to pull herself out of bed, Scarlett made her way to the bathroom and peered at herself in the mirror. She looked like pure hell. There was no way he wouldn't notice. Resigning herself to her fate, she slowly crept down the stairs, suddenly noticing how annoyingly cold she felt. She knew she almost certainly had a fever.

Oddly she saw no signs of Johnny being around. He didn't work today, she knew that for a fact, so where had he gone? As she walked into the kitchen she spied a note on the counter. Yawning and forcing herself to remain upright, she quickly read it and suddenly everything made sense.

One of Roy's kids had gotten hurt and they had asked him to watch the other while they went to the hospital. Scarlett had to admit, it was sweet Johnny hadn't woken her. Also it was sweet how much he truly adored Roy's kids and vice versa. She'd even heard them referring to Johnny as their uncle, the few times they'd been invited to dinner at Roy's.

Feeling the relief of knowing Johnny wouldn't be around to paramedic her for awhile, Scarlett made the seemingly long trek back to bed. Just the walk downstairs had exhausted her and quickly she fell into a dreamless sleep.

Scarlett wasn't sure how long it'd been really, but after what seemed like only a few minutes, she felt herself being shaken and a voice asking if she was okay. Not appreciating being woken up, she simply pulled the blankets over her head, ignoring him.

"Hey now, don't do that. Don't hide from me." Johnny said as he promptly pulled the blankets back. "You're sick, aren't you?"

"No kidding. I feel like I've been hit by a bus. Except without the swift death." She mumbled back, shivering from the loss of warmth.

It didn't go unnoticed by Johnny, as she didn't expect it would. His trained eye noticed everything and it was a bit annoying. As he placed the back of his hand against her forehand, Scarlett couldn't help but notice how good it felt. Not only was he touching her but his hand also felt comfortingly warm.

"Definitely feel a bit warm. And just for your information, people don't always die after being hit by a bus."

Always the optimist.

"So how do you feel? More specific than feeling like you were hit by a bus." Johnny asked and Scarlett wanted to internally cry.

"Just really tired, hurt all over, super cold, nose is so blocked I can't breathe out of it...Yeah, this is a great time."

The corners of Johnny's mouth turned up slightly.

"Yeah, looks like it. You, my dear, have the flu. Which might I add, is going around right now."

Scarlett just sighed. Of course this was her luck.

"How's Roy's son, by the way? Did he get hurt badly?" She asked, finding herself actually concerned for the little boy's health. Roy's family was like their family, after all.

"Oh yeah, he's fine. He fell off the swing and sprained his wrist, is all. Roy and Joanne just wanted to make sure it wasn't broken."

"Oh, well that's good he wasn't hurt too badly. Of course, that's what boys do though, they get hurt." Scarlett replied, throwing a bit of a tease at him. Of course she'd heard about some of his own incidents. He didn't seem to appreciate it however.

"Hey, sometimes things happen. Things you have no control over. Like the rattlesnake, how was I supposed to know it was there? It came out of nowhere!" He lamely tried to defend himself, and Scarlett could see he was a little annoyed.

"I know, I know. I was just saying." Scarlett replied, as she grabbed the blankets and pulled them back. "I wanna go back to sleep."

"No, I'm going to get you some water and some soup and you're going to try to eat."

Scarlett snorted. "You're going to make soup? What is the world coming to?"

It was a known fact, especially to his shift mates, that Johnny wasn't exactly the best chef and unfortunately she'd found that out on several occasions herself. The thought of him cooking her anything was almost horrifying.

"I'll have you know I cook perfectly well!" He retorted. Clearly he didn't appreciate that either.

"The only thing you cook are hamburgers and hot dogs, not that there's anything with wrong that but remember the time you almost caught the kitchen on fire? Because I do."

"That was one time... "

"I know. All I'm saying is if you catch the house on fire, I don't have the energy to move and I WILL lie here and burn to death. Might be a good way to go."

"Don't say that, and you act like I wouldn't save you or anything. You'd be the only thing I'd save and you know that."

"I know. Just please don't burn the house down so you don't have to worry about saving me." Scarlett said, smiling a little despite herself. Johnny could be really sweet at times.

"I'll try not to." He returned her smile.


	20. Chapter 20

Much to Scarlett's surprise, Johnny had made her edible soup AND didn't burn the house down. Miracles do exist apparently. After eating enough to satisfy Johnny, he finally allowed her to drift off to sleep and sleep she did. It wasn't until late evening when she finally woke again.

Scarlett wasn't sure where Johnny was or what he was doing to entertain himself, but surely he'd found something to do. He wasn't the type to sit still and do nothing for long. It was almost annoying really.

Gathering up all the energy she could muster, Scarlett padded to the bathroom to take care of some much needed business, before going in search of Johnny. It didn't take long to find him. He was lying on the couch with a book in hand, and it made Scarlett wonder how bored he must be. It made her feel bad for basically ruining his day.

Sensing her approach, Johnny sat up and smiled at her. Even now, it still made her heart flip-flop. He was still everything to her.

"Hey. How are you feelin'?" He asked, as Scarlett moved to sit down beside him.

"Still feel like crap but that's to be expected with the flu, isn't it?" Scarlett sighed. "You know, I hadn't been sick since high school. Funny how things can come out of nowhere and strike you down in your prime."

Scarlett could've sworn she saw him roll his eyes. She was being overly dramatic and they both knew it. Still, she felt more miserable than what she wanted to admit to Johnny, but it wouldn't do any good to get him any more worried.

Johnny pulled her against him. "Cheer up, it's only the flu. Just give it a few days to run its course and you'll be fine."

"Nope. I'm definitely going to die. At least I feel like it." Scarlett shrugged, only slightly admitting that she was not, in fact, going to die. She heard Johnny sigh anyway. He never really appreciated her joking about death, even though he'd heard him tell Roy in jest to go play on the freeway before. Guess that was different.

"Like I said, you'll be fine. Not that I don't understand how you feel, because I do, but don't joke about dying like that. You know I'd be lost without you."

Now it was Scarlett's turn to sigh. Johnny was being overly serious again. He had a habit of that.

"I know, I'll stop. It's just I really do feel horrible."

"I know, but hey, at least there are fun things to look forward to when you get better." Johnny waggled his eyebrows, clearly implying something.

"Well, yeah, that goes without saying." She rested her head on his shoulder, hoping to hide the blush that was rapidly forming.

He had a weird way of cheering her up, but it worked and she knew she was really lucky to have him.


	21. Chapter 21

Scarlett found herself hunched over in front of the toilet for at least the fifth time that morning. Finally her vomiting stopped and she slid to the floor. She knew from the previous day and earlier that morning, that there was no use in bothering to haul herself up because soon it would start again. Also a deciding factor was how absolutely exhausted she felt. Scarlett's entire body seemed to scream at her, as if protesting her every movement. Especially her stomach.

Knowing Johnny would be home from his shift this morning, she knew she needed to get up and off the floor before he found her there. The last thing Scarlett wanted to do was concern him, as he hadn't wanted to even leave her alone to begin with, but as she laid on the cool floor she felt all the desire to move leave her body. The floor felt amazing, not to mention the fact her stomach was beginning to remind her yet again of it's existence.

After yet another round of vomiting, she allowed herself to slide almost spinelessly to the floor. Surely this must be how jellyfish feel. Except maybe the exhaustion. And the vomiting. Huh, maybe that was a bad comparison. Scarlett found she didn't much care. All that mattered right now was how amazing the cool tiled floor felt on her skin.

Scarlett startled awake at the sudden movement of being grabbed and pulled upright into a sitting position. Someone was speaking to her but before her mind had a chance to comprehend everything, her stomach protested the movement and she pulled away from the person holding her. As she retched, the contents of her stomach long gone by this point, she felt someone behind her holding her hair back. Only after it had passed did her mind finally comprehend who exactly was now in the bathroom with her.

With a groan Scarlett slumped back to the floor, however strong arms grabbed her before she could go completely down again. Damn it.

"Whoa, hey, are you okay Scarlett?" Johnny asked her and she found herself looking up to his concerned eyes.

She closed her eyes and groaned again in reply. This was bad. Now that Johnny was here he'd be paramedicing her and looking at her with those damn concerned eyes. This was exactly what she hadn't wanted.

He had seemingly enough on his plate, if the bags under his eyes was any indication, and she didn't want to burden him with her issues as well. Honestly, Scarlett didn't know what was going on with him, but lately he'd looked more tired than usual and it worried her. She hoped he wasn't getting sick as well.

"How long have you been vomiting?" He asked as he held her wrist, counting her pulse. Yep, there it was. The beginning of his paramedicing.

"Since yesterday evening." She mumbled, knowing he wasn't going to like her reply. Sure enough she heard him scoff.

"Yesterday?! Are are kidding me? Why didn't you call me?"

If possible Scarlett seemed to feel worse and she wished she could just disappear. In retrospect, she probably should've called Johnny but hindsight was indeed always 20/20.

"Didn't wanna bother you." She found herself replying lamely. It was the truth, albeit being a pretty flimsy excuse for the truth.

Scarlett heard him scoff again and prepared herself for the lecture that was only imminent. He had every right to be upset after all. However, the lecture never came.


	22. Chapter 22

Confused, she opened her eyes and saw him reaching into the cabinet for something. A second later he returned with a thermometer which he slid into her mouth despite her protests. He looked more concerned than annoyed at least, which suddenly she was grateful for.

Johnny watched her as he waited for the temperature and Scarlett felt uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze. She could tell his mind was spinning with all the potential diagnoses and it made her feel worse.

At last he pulled the thermometer out and she heard him swear under his breath. She'd never heard him swear before and she knew at that moment she really fucked up.

Once again Johnny was pulling something out of the cabinet and he held out a bottle of pills towards her.

"Think ya could take a couple of these?"

Scarlett merely shook her head. Her stomach was starting to roil again at the very mention of trying to take anything.

"Don't think I could keep them down." Came her quiet reply.

"That's what I was afraid of." Johnny said as he placed the pill bottle back in the cabinet. "Your options right now are, let me take you to the hospital or I'll call a squad to take you."

Now that wasn't what she was expecting. Although maybe if her mind had been functioning at a hundred percent she would have.

"What?! No. No way. I'm okay. I don't need to go to the hospital." Scarlett protested but the look on his face told her that all the protesting in the world would be futile against him.

"You have a high fever, you're tachycardic, diaphoretic, you can barely sit up long enough to vomit and I'm willing to bet you're dehydrated from all the vomiting. You're not fine and you don't have much choice here."

Well, he wasn't wrong, she'd give him that. Scarlett let a sigh escape her and resigned herself to her fate. A fate that included that damn hospital again.

"Fine, I'll go, but I'd rather you took me." She replied, looking at the floor. "Last thing I want is to make this into a big deal."

"Alright. Do you think you can stand?" Johnny questioned as he moved to her side, concern still very much etched on his face.

"I - uh... Maybe." She really wasn't sure at this point. Plus her stomach continued to flip in the most unpleasant way she could imagine.

Without another thought she sat bolt right and began another round of retching into the toilet. Johnny was back in place holding her hair back, but she didn't much notice nor care between the continued spasming of her stomach.

As it ended, Scarlett closed her eyes and fell back against Johnny who caught her. He didn't miss her mumbled expression of pain either.

"Where does it hurt?"

"You mean besides everywhere?" She mumbled, and she knew her answer was probably a bit too vague for her paramedic boyfriend but it was best she could do at the moment. The world was starting to dim at the edges and she was feeling lightheaded. Scarlett knew she was going to pass out.

Johnny was speaking, but whatever he was saying was lost on her as the darkness won the battle over her consciousness.


	23. Chapter 23

At some point consciousness returned to Scarlett, or maybe semi-consciousness. She wasn't sure. All she knew is that she felt like she was floating, her eyelids felt like lead and she didn't have the strength to open them. She could also hear voices off to the side of her but although she couldn't make out what they were saying one voice in particular stood out to her.

It was Johnny and he sounded worried. More worried than she'd ever heard him, but he always did hide most of his concern beneath his trained paramedic mask. Now it seemed to be coming out, maybe because he thought she was unconscious. Scarlett wished she could do something, anything, to tell him she'd be fine but her body wasn't cooperating. The floating sensation was increasing but it felt nice, it was comfortable and warm. It reminded her very much of being in Johnny's arms.

"You'll be fine, I'm here. I promise you'll be okay. You can fight this. You'll be okay. Come on, Scarlett." Scarlett noted the panic in his voice and how he seemed to be trying to reassure himself more than her. It felt like a dagger had punctured deep within her heart. She was hurting Johnny and she had never wanted to.

Scarlett knew she'd failed, she always failed and hurt the ones she loved. Did she love him? She wasn't entirely sure, she'd never experienced anything quite like how she felt for Johnny before. All Scarlett knew was that she wanted to be by his side forever and that right now she was failing and subsequently hurting him and she wasn't sure what to do about it.

She noticed she could no longer feel her body, from the lead weight of her eyelids to her emotional pain of hurting Johnny. All she felt was warmth enveloping her in a cocoon of pure bliss like she'd never felt before. For the first time in her life all of her problems seemed to melt away and all that was left in its place was the warmth.

Scarlett wasn't complaining, not at all. In fact, the intensity of these feelings almost made her want to cry. It all felt so wonderful. So unlike anything she'd ever experienced. It was almost too good to be true. How could anything feel this good?

Scarlett thought back to how it felt being with Johnny. That had felt similar, hadn't it? He had filled her with similar warmth, hadn't he? She wasn't quite sure anymore, her mind felt too muddled to properly think about it.

What was going on? Although her mind felt hazy, Scarlett found she could think more clearly than she had been a few minutes ago. The warmth and good feelings still enveloped her but they weren't affecting her as much.

Where was Johnny anyway? Scarlett couldn't hear his voice anymore and missed the warmth that emanated from his very soul. It wasn't the same as the warmth here but it also felt more right in a way she couldn't possibly begin to explain. Maybe she did love him.


	24. Chapter 24

What good was her realization if she didn't know where she was or how to get back to him though? What was the point in being here if he wasn't?

Out of nowhere, Scarlett felt something change, it was slight at first but she felt it. Then slowly it became stronger. She could feel the warmth of his soul again and it was strong and warm, much like him. She found herself following it, using it as her only guide, and hoped it led her out of this lonely place and back to him.

All at once Scarlett noticed she could feel her body again. It was hard to miss really, the pain seemed to be everywhere all at once. Why did she hurt so bad?

At least her eyelids seemed to function this time and she blurrily opened them, trying to focus on the scene around her. Once again she was in a hospital bed, however this time she noticed there were more wires connected to her and an oxygen mask placed over her face. There was also Johnny sound asleep in the chair next to her bed.

Johnny's head lulled to the side and even in sleep he looked all too stressed. Nothing like the man who she had cuddled up to at night, that man had always looked incredibly peaceful and she was sometimes jealous. No, there was something wrong with Johnny and Scarlett was afraid it was her.

Her pondering was cut short as the pain in her body demanded she notice it and she tried to choke back a moan. However she failed and just ended up sounding similar to a dying cat. Sounding like a dying cat clearly had its perks, as Johnny woke up from a seemingly sound sleep and was suddenly standing over her.

Even in immense pain Scarlett could see the relief that colored his face. He clearly had been worried about her.

"Hey," He said, that same relief clearly evident in his voice. "You had us really scared this time, ya know."

Scarlett squeezed her eyes shut, as much as she didn't want to. The pain was beginning to become too much and she wondered if she'd pass out again. Hopefully she wouldn't go back to wherever she'd gone before if she did.

Johnny seemed to pick up on this fairly quickly and he bolted from the room to find a nurse. Unfortunately it felt like years to Scarlett before he came back, nurse in tow. She had been right, she was passing out as much as she tried to hold on and as the cool liquid entered her arm, the darkness once again consumed her.

When Scarlett opened her eyes once more she noticed Johnny was there again. Or maybe he had never left, she wasn't sure. Either way, he was there reading a boring looking magazine that someone, probably Dixie, had brought him. It was definitely the kind you'd find in a hospital waiting room.

Scarlett wasn't surprised this time that he immediately noticed she was awake even though she didn't sound like a dying animal. Clearly the magazine must've been just as boring as she had suspected. She watched as he stood up and squatted down by her bed, much like he had during her first hospital stay where she'd been nearly overcome with desire to kiss him. Scarlett smiled to herself, that desire had returned.

Some things never really changed.

"Hey," Johnny murmured. "How are you feelin'?"


	25. Chapter 25

He stroked her hair softly and she found herself closing her eyes. It was like pure ecstasy having him touch her this way.

"Mmmm." Was the only thing she could manage as she leaned into his touch. She didn't care if her reply was stupid or that she was showing him exactly how he affected her in this moment. All that mattered was that he was here with her.

Scarlett opened her eyes enough to see the small smile on Johnny's lips. It may not have been his full infamous grin, but it was something and she was thankful for it. She could tell something was still bothering him though and she couldn't figure out what.

A sudden noise at the door startled her and Johnny as Dr. Brackett came in. Was he her doctor again? It felt like ages ago since she'd seen him last.

Brackett moved to flip through her chart, just as she'd seen him do the last time. Except now he looked considerably happier. Maybe there wasn't any potential medical mysteries this time.

Scarlett met his eyes as he looked at her and smiled.

"Glad to see you're finally awake. You certainly scared us this time." He turned to look at Johnny who suddenly looked uncomfortable and Scarlett raised an eyebrow. What's all this about?

"How's she doing, Johnny?" Suddenly Brackett's tone was more serious and Scarlett found herself more confused.

"She seems all right, doc. She's alert, oriented and she seems to recognize me." Johnny's infamous crooked grin finally made a reappearance and it made Scarlett's heart flutter with pure happiness. It felt like too long since she'd seen it.

Brackett smiled again.

"That's certainly good news. Now, Scarlett, I'm going to check your eyes. This won't hurt a bit." He said, pulling out the penlight from his lab coat and checking her pupillary response. "Seems good. Now, what do you remember?"

She tried to think back but nothing came to her. What had happened anyway?

Scarlett shook her head.

"I - I'm n - not sure." She rasped out. Her throat felt like sandpaper and it was hard finding her voice.

At least Johnny seemed to have the foresight to have a glass of water ready. He slowly removed her oxygen mask and tilted the glass to her lips and Scarlett found herself even more grateful for this amazing man. She didn't even think it was possible.

"Don't drink too fast." Johnny chastised and she found herself wanting to roll her eyes at him. So much so, that she seemed to have done it without realizing and she realized Brackett was grinning again and Johnny wore a look of annoyance that didn't reach his eyes. Oops.

"I see her attitude is still intact." Brackett grinned at Johnny.

"Yeah, it definitely is." Johnny replied and Scarlett met his eyes and once again saw in them all the love he had for her. She found herself involuntarily blushing.

"Now," Brackett interrupted their moment. "Do you know where you are?"

Scarlett sighed. She knew the drill from last time.

"Hospital. Year is 1977 and I'm Scarlett Black. Only thing I can't figure out is what happened, to be honest."

She watched as Brackett and Johnny exchanged looks.

"Before we get into that, Johnny has something he'd like to tell you."

Johnny looked confused for a few seconds before understanding flooded his features, and then something similar to embarrassment? What was going on?

"Oh, um, yeah, the thing is..." He started awkwardly, seemingly having a hard time spitting it out. "You're pregnant."


	26. Chapter 26

The room suddenly felt as though it was spinning as Scarlett tried to comprehend what Johnny had just said. There was no way she could be pregnant. No way.

"What? You're kidding!" But seeing the look on Johnny's face only proved that he wasn't. "I haven't had symptoms and we used protection..."

If possible, Johnny only seemed to get more awkward.

"That's what I said too - "

"He also nearly fainted." Brackett interrupted with what could only be described as a shit eating grin. At least he seemed to be enjoying this conversation.

"I did not almost faint!" Johnny quickly denied although Brackett continued to look smug. "Anyway, there, uh, was that one time...And, er, condoms can.. Uh.. Break..."

This was quite obviously an extremely awkward conversation for him and she felt bad for him, but she still couldn't seem to a wrap her head around what was going on. However she'd continue this conversation with him later in private. There were other matters to take care of right now.

"Anyway..." Scarlett looked from Johnny to Brackett. "What happened to me?"

If Johnny could possibly get any more awkward he did in that moment and it was obvious he didn't exactly want to be the one to tell her. She saw him glance over at Brackett, as if to say "help me please", but he simply nodded.

"Weelll... " He started and Scarlett noticed he wasn't meeting her eyes."You, uh, well, you died."

Scarlett found herself raising an eyebrow.

"What do you mean I died?"

"Well, that's exactly what I mean. You died." Johnny still wasn't meeting her eyes. "You lost consciousness with me..."

He paused and Scarlett wasn't sure if he was going to finish. She was about to say something but he started speaking again.

"You.. You literally died in my arms. You went into full arrest, you weren't breathing, your heart stopped. Thankfully I'd already called a squad as soon as you went unconscious." He paused again, his voice seemed shaky. "I literally breathed for you until they came and took over. You weren't responding to the medications at first either, and God, Scarlett..."

Scarlett was frozen. This was way too much information to take in all at once. She had been dead? She'd died in his arms?

What?

More importantly, was Johnny going to cry? The way his voice broke just now had sounded pretty ominous. Scarlett swallowed hard. She didn't think she could deal with it if he cried. He never cried.

Thankfully he seemed to recover.

"They had to shock you 4 times to get you back and they wanted to give up but I just couldn't... So they kept trying and finally your heart restarted. You were in a coma for several days." Johnny finally met her eyes. "We didn't know if you'd survive, you'd been down so long, but I had hope. I came to see you every day, ya know."

There was that small grin of his again and Scarlett felt herself wanting to cry. Pushing the urge aside for the time being, she found her voice again.

"What was wrong with me? Why did that happen?"

This time Brackett replied.

"You had what's called sepsis. It's where an infection gets into the bloodstream and essentially poisons it. I suspect you acquired it from having the flu."

This made her tense. That damn flu. Speaking of...

"You're sick," Scarlett directed towards Johnny who suddenly stiffened as well. "That's why you look so worn out. Well, besides the stress of course. You probably caught the flu from me."

"I am no - " Johnny began his denial but Brackett quickly jumped in.

"Yes, I know. I've been keeping an eye on him." He met Johnny's undignified look. "I knew there wasn't much point trying to force you into a room of your own, so I've been watching it from a distance. You should really be looked at now, however."

"Aww, Doc, I'm fine. I'd get checked out if I felt I needed to but I don't."

Brackett seemingly didn't like his reply, if the way his lip twitched and the look he was giving Johnny was any indication.

"I just think you should be looked at. After what happened with Scarlett, although while a rare complication of the flu, you have to consider your lack of spleen. You already have a tendency towards developing pneumonia."

Scarlett could tell by Johnny's face that he was less than impressed with the doctor's badgering, in fact she didn't know the last time she saw him look so annoyed. She tried to stifle a giggle and failed.

"I promise I'll be checked out if I start having symptoms of pneumonia, all right? Which, by the way, I do not have."

Scarlett watched as Brackett fixed him with a glare. Clearly he was used to dealing with Johnny as a stubborn patient.

"If you start to feel ANY worse you will come to me and be checked out. You understand?"

"Yes, Doc." Came his groaning reply and Scarlett wondered if he'd be annoyed with her for tattling on him. Hopefully not.

As Brackett excused himself with the promise of returning later to check on both of them, Johnny fixed Scarlett with one of his glares. She swore his glares had become almost as infamous as his crooked grin.


	27. Chapter 27

"Now why'd you have to go and do that for, huh?" He asked, but Scarlett noted it wasn't full of annoyance. Instead it seemed to be more of a teasing question.

Still, pulling off the oxygen mask, that had been replaced earlier, she replied anyway.

"You need to take care of yourself too. Don't worry about me, I'm fine."

Scarlett almost wanted to punch him as he gave an undignified snort and rolled his eyes at her.

"Yeah, I've heard that before."

The comment didn't quite make sense to Scarlett's still recovering brain, and Johnny supplied her with the answer as well.

"You said you were fine before... " Johnny hesitated, clearly uncomfortable with the subject at hand. "Before you.. Well...before you died on me. So excuse me if it's lost a little validity since then."

Johnny offered her a small smile, one that didn't didn't quite reach his eyes, but it didn't matter right now.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean for that to happen..." Scarlett couldn't keep the shakiness from her voice and she hoped Johnny didn't notice it but his sudden change of demeanor said he had.

"Hey, hey, now look at me," Johnny grabbed her chin and pulled her face gently to look at him. "It was not your fault. You had no way of knowing that would happen. If there's anyone who deserves some blame here it's me for not taking you to the hospital for your flu sooner."

Of course Johnny blamed himself. He would because he was too good of a person not to. Scarlett didn't want him to blame himself though, he certainly didn't deserve it.

"Johnny, you know it's not your fault. Don't try to blame yourself for this." And before she could stop herself she leaned up and kissed him. It didn't matter in this moment how much her abused body protested the movement, she needed this.

There was a quick note of surprise that flickered across Johnny's face as he clearly didn't expect it, but she found him returning the kiss anyway.

Scarlett could feel as his fingers softly curled in her hair and she knew he was being extra gentle with her and for once she actually did appreciate it.

She finally allowed herself to fall back against her pillows as their kiss ended, a soft smile playing on her lips. When she had been dead, stuck in that lonely warm place, Scarlett had thought maybe she would never get to do that again and she was incredibly grateful that she had.

"Here, put this back on before Brackett comes back and has my hide," Johnny said as he settled her oxygen mask back on. He obviously caught the face she made as he added. "Yeah, I hate wearing them too, ask anyone. Brackett must think you still need it though and don't question the doc. He hates that."

Without warning the infamous grin appeared across his face and Scarlett could almost pretend to herself that nothing happened. It had though and she knew there was no going back. She only hoped she'd be able to make it up to him for almost dying, if it was at all possible.


	28. Chapter 28

Scarlett pulled the oxygen mask off again, much to his annoyance.

"Hey, Johnny?"

"Yeah?" There was a note of concern again and she couldn't help but feel even more guilty.

"Will you lay with me?" She patted the space next to her. "Please?"

He looked almost incredulous and it took a second before his words came sputtering out.

"What?! No... I... That's... Not... I mean..."

"Please?" Scarlett asked more forcefully this time. Johnny definitely took some badgering to do even pleasant things sometimes.

"I.. Uh... I don't want to hurt you." Johnny's indecision was clear as day on his face and Scarlett knew that he really did want to. Of course it was so like him to be afraid of causing her pain.

"You won't hurt me though, I'd say I'm good and doped up for awhile." She gave him what she hoped was a convincing smile and prayed that her badgering had finally worked. Scarlett could feel the exhaustion setting back in and all she wanted was to cuddle up to Johnny and sink back into the blissful depths of sleep once more.

There was a split second more of indecision as Johnny seemed to mentally struggle with himself, but Scarlett cheered in silent victory as he kicked off his shoes and carefully climbed into the bed next to her while avoiding the many wires.

"Tell me if I hurt you. I'll get up."

Scarlett didn't bother replying as she laid her head on his chest. She could hear his heartbeat under her ear and to her it was the sweetest sound in the entire world. It was hard to believe that her own had stopped briefly. She felt Johnny gently pulling her closer and she couldn't even imagine the agony it must certainly have caused him to see her so lifeless.

Something was eating away at her though.

"Johnny?"

"Yeah?"

"I heard you when you were calling to me that day. You told me that I'd be okay."

"What?" He said, the shock was clearly evident in his voice. "You couldn't have heard that. You were..."

"Yeah, I know, but I did. It hurt me to hear you sound so worried, but... Before I could do anything I was somewhere else and I couldn't hear you anymore."

Scarlett chanced a look at him and his face was oddly unreadable. Oops, maybe she shouldn't have told him after all. Now he probably thought she was crazy which was what she'd always tried to avoid with him.

Whatever she was expecting, it definitely wasn't the next thing out of his mouth.

"Did you see anything?"

"What?" Scarlett couldn't believe he'd ask that. She didn't know exactly why, she just didn't. Maybe because it was a weird topic, almost bordering on crazy and she didn't expect Johnny to entertain it. Maybe there was more to him than she realized.

Johnny made a sound of annoyance like he didn't want to have to explain it. "You know, see something. Like a bright white light, angels, pearly white gates. That type of thing."

"Oh, uh no, I didn't see anything. I more... Felt things."

Now it was his turn to be confused again. "What? What do you mean you felt things?"

"It's hard to explain really. I felt warm and peaceful. Like everything was finally okay. But then.. I felt you." Scarlett suddenly felt super awkward about telling him what happened. Telling him this went beyond anything else she'd ever dreamed of saying to him and she was afraid of how he'd react. "Basically I could feel your soul...or something... and it was warm, similar to how where I was felt. But, at the same time, it was different. Yours felt more right and I followed it. I wanted to be with you again more than anything."

Scarlett awkwardly bit her lip and let the embarrassment of her emotional confession wash over her. She really shouldn't have told him that. Chancing a look at him, he surprised her yet again. Reflected in Johnny's eyes was more love than she could imagine. Scarlett had seen his love filled expressions before, but never like this. This was completely different.

"You came back. For me?" Something in Johnny's voice made her uncomfortable. Was he going to cry? Scarlett had worried about this possibility more today than she ever had. His emotions just seemed extra raw today, for good reason, but it was uncomfortable for her.

The next thing out of his mouth was even more unbelievable than him asking if she had seen anything while she was technically dead and Scarlett had thought sure nothing could top that. Boy she was wrong.

"I love you, you know that don't ya?" Johnny gently pulled her as close him as he could and ran his fingers through her hair. "I really, really love you. I thought I was going to lose you and it was the scariest thing in the world."


	29. Chapter 29

Suddenly it was like Scarlett's mind shut down, rendering her completely speechless. They had never openly expressed their feelings this way before, and although she knew Johnny liked her, she hadn't expected him to love her. Thankfully he didn't seem to expect an answer as he continued.

"I want a life with you. I want... I want you to marry me and I want to raise our child together. I know this wasn't planned but I want it. I want you. I've never been so sure of anything in my life."

Wait, what? Was that a marriage proposal? She'd found out she almost died but came back, only to learn she was pregnant with his child and now he wanted her to marry him? This was all way too much to handle in one day.

Which is why Scarlett now found herself pulling away from him, and as she looked into his eyes she could see the hurt there. It was clear he hadn't anticipated this reaction.

"No. I don't wanna get married. Are you crazy? We haven't even been together that long and I don't want to get married just because I'm pregnant! Which by the way, I didn't ask for." Scarlett regretted her words almost instantly as the hurt on his face intensified.

Johnny looked as though he'd been punched and Scarlett felt her heart breaking.

"I'm sorry... That came out wrong. It's just, it's too much to deal with all at once, you know?..."

She tried to close the gap between them, but he wasn't having it, and as he pushed her away and got off the bed, she felt her heart break more. She really screwed up this time.

"Johnny, I - "

"Do you think **I** asked for any of this? You have no idea how it felt to see you lying there, wondering if you were even going to live, and then being told you were also pregnant. You have no idea what it's like to wonder if you're going to lose everything all at once." Johnny all but hissed at her as he slipped on his shoes. "So don't tell me this is too much for you to deal with. If you loved me, the way I love you, you would understand. But you don't, and I can't force you to."

Scarlett had never seen him so pissed and hurt before and it was honestly the worst thing she'd ever experienced. She wished she could take everything back and redo it with more eloquence this time, but as Johnny turned and left she knew there was no taking it back.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but as Scarlett cried hysterically into her pillow, she found it didn't really matter. She'd driven the love of her life away and she had no idea if he was coming back or if this meant they were broken up. The very thought was terrifying, but what was more terrifying than losing the love of her life was the fact that there was literally a piece of both him and her growing inside of her.

At some point Dixie showed up to attempt to comfort her, but it didn't really help. She'd said that they both knew how Johnny was and that he'd return once he cooled down, and Scarlett really hoped she was right.


	30. Chapter 30

Dixie was kind enough to give her something that knocked her out before she left, allowing Scarlett to sink into the sweet embrace of sleep. It wasn't quite as good as the sweet embrace of death, but it would do.

Scarlett didn't awaken until later and as much as she wanted to believe Johnny had come back, she knew he hadn't. Her room was too silent and lonely without him and she felt the tears pouring down her cheeks again. What would she do if he didn't come back? She couldn't live without him, nor could she raise a child alone.

Scarlett silently placed a hand on her stomach. The concept of being pregnant was still strange to her, how could that have happened? It was mind-blowing really. Even so, she loved the idea that there was a piece of him growing inside her.

There was a noise as her door opened, and for a second her heart raced as she hoped it was Johnny, but as she saw the pretty blonde nurse enter, any hope she had left disappeared.

"Hey, how're you holding up?" Dixie asked her, starting to perform her nursing duties by quickly taking her vitals.

Scarlett really didn't care to talk to her, in fact she wished she would just go away and leave her alone, but as Dixie handed her a tissue she knew it wouldn't be that easy.

"I saw Johnny earlier, by the way." Dixie threw out nonchalantly, almost as if she were talking about the weather and not the love of her love who had stormed out and deserted her.

"Oh yeah?" She mumbled, using the tissue to try and staunch the flow of her tears. It wasn't working.

"Uh-huh. He's on duty today and him and Roy were getting supplies." Dixie replied vaguely and it irritated Scarlett. She had to have been doing this on purpose.

"And?"

"He seemed in a mood. He wouldn't really talk to me and Roy said he hasn't really said much to him either, and we all know Johnny usually never shuts up." Dixie gave her a smile that she found herself returning despite herself. She definitely did know.

"If you want my opinion," Dixie continued. "He'll come around when he's ready. He really loves you, everyone can see that. He won't stay away for long. He just needs some time."

Scarlett sighed, she knew Dixie was trying her hardest to comfort her and it made her feel bad that it wasn't really helping.

"Yeah, I know. It's just hard not knowing what's going on and if he's coming back."

"He'll be back, I promise. Even if I have to drag him in here myself." Dixie grinned. "Anyway, try to get some rest. I'll be on the lookout for him, okay?"

As she watched Dixie exit, she allowed herself to sigh again. Everything was a mess and it was all her fault. She was so damn stupid, if she would've just kept her mouth shut she would still have a boyfriend right now.

Scarlett wasn't sure when, or how she had fallen asleep, but somehow she had, and judging from the light coming through the window it looked to be evening. Without conscious thought her eyes moved to the still empty chair beside her bed, which in a perfect world, would be occupied by Johnny. Before her thoughts could travel down the familiar dark path they seemed to take, yet another noise pulled her out of her thoughts as she focused on the door.

If Scarlett had been expecting to see someone, it definitely wasn't the person now entering her doorway. His strawberry blonde hair sweatily clung to his forehead, as patches of dirt lined his face and covered his pants and turnout coat. It'd been awhile since she'd seen him.

"Hey Roy."

"Hey Scarlett, how are you doing? I heard what happened to you." Roy replied and Scarlett noted he seemed more awkward than usual as he slunk into the chair. It seemed as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just sore but I'm fine." Scarlett lied. She didn't know if Johnny had told him about their fight, but he didn't need to know she was hurting both physically and mentally if he hadn't.

"Hey, yeah, that's good to hear." Roy smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Um.. Johnny was in an accident a bit ago."

Suddenly it like her entire world slowed to a grinding halt. This couldn't be happening.

"What? What happened? Is he alright?" Scarlett could feel the tears threatening to return but she forced them back, not wanting to cry in front Roy.

Roy looked as distraught as she felt. This wasn't good.

"He was in an explosion during a house fire call. He was... On the second floor when it happened. He'd just gotten the last of the victims out when the floor gave out." Roy's voice was surprisingly more calm than she would've expected given his facial expression, but she felt it was slightly calming regardless.

Hesitantly she asked the most important question again.

"Is he alright?" Her voice was little more than a whisper and she wondered if Roy could even hear her at all. However both things were answered as Roy solemnly replied.


	31. Chapter 31

"He was rushed to surgery as soon as we got him here. Doctor Brackett suspects pretty bad internal bleeding along with a potential concussion and for sure a broken leg. He was conscious but pretty disoriented and in a lot of pain at the time. He was saying things about a cat that didn't make any sense."

"Will he be okay though?"

"I'm sure Brackett'll be out with an update on his condition soon. We just gotta wait until then." Roy replied, taking his eyes off of her just as Dixie entered the room.

"Well, they do say no news is good news in times like these." She smiled softly at the pair. "I'm sure Johnny will be just fine, though. He's young and in mostly good health. He's been through worse."

"You're damn right he has, Gage is a downright disaster magnet." An unfamiliar voice from the doorway replied and Scarlett found herself looking at a rather short, curly haired, mustachioed man with an equally as dirty turnout coat as Roy. She had an idea of who it was, although never having met him in person, Johnny had often talked about the man and his mischievous ways.

"Chet -" Roy began as though he was going to chide him on his comment but the man, Chet, cut him off.

"Look, how is he? He didn't look too good back there..." And in an instant it was clear that even Chet, who Johnny had often said pranked him relentlessly, cared about him more than he was willing to admit.

"No updates yet, but like I was telling these two, in times like these no news is good news." Dixie replied, and moved to the door. "I gotta go but I'll tell you if I hear anything."

"Thanks Dix." Roy said after her as she exited the room and directed his attention to Chet who was still standing near the doorway looking spaced out. "Chet, you okay?"

At once Chet seemed to snap out of his trance. "Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Oh, by the way, Cap wanted me to let you know he's called in a replacement for Johnny. Should be here in a bit."

"Yeah, okay." Roy sounded a bit sullen at the idea of having to go back on duty after what had happened. "Thanks."

Chet suddenly perked up and a grin formed on his face as he must've thought of something. "Maybe it'll be Brice again. Know how much fun the 'walking rule book' was the last time."

"Yeah..." If possible Roy seemed to grow even more sullen. "Yeah... Brice. Great."

Chet's eyes suddenly met Scarlett's and he stared at her for a second, as if noticing her in the room for the first time. Maybe it really had been the first time he'd noticed her, she wasn't sure.

"Hey, you're Gage's girl, aren't ya?" He said, eyeballing her. "Damn, how'd **he** land a chick like you?"

"Chet!" Roy glared at him and Chet simply shrugged.

"Oh come on, Roy, don't tell me you haven't noticed she's way out of Gage's league." He gestured towards Scarlett who was turning bright red over all the attention. "No wonder he never shuts up about her, he won the lottery here!"

Roy let out a long sigh and it was obvious to her that the normally calm man was getting a bit irritated with the direction the conversation was taking. Unfortunately Chet didn't seem to notice or care as he moved closer to Scarlett.

"Babe, lemme give you some advice, ditch Gage." He paused for a second and continued. "He'll never commit to you or anybody else, and a woman like you deserves better than that."


	32. Chapter 32

Before Scarlett could even open her mouth, Roy was speaking and he sounded even more annoyed. Maybe he'd punch Chet. That'd certainly be entertaining and well deserved.

"Chet, seriously? Johnny's having surgery and you're trying to steal his girl right out from under him? What happened to your morals?"

"Whoa Roy, calm down man. I'm just trying to help her out." He raised his hands in mock surrender but turned to Scarlett again. "Gage just isn't the type to settle down, no offense to him, but that's the kinda guy he is. So if you want commitment you're looking in the wrong place."

"Chet, just shut up." Roy cut in again and Scarlett knew for sure that if she didn't try to diffuse the situation someone could very well end up getting punched however hilarious that might be.

"Regardless of what you might believe, Chet, Johnny can commit and does want to settle down." She watched as he raised an eyebrow and continued. "I'm pregnant and he's asked me to marry him and he got pretty upset at me when I didn't accept his proposal..."

Clearly neither of them had known about any of this, if their shell-shocked expressions told her anything. It made her wonder why Johnny hadn't at least told Roy, his best friend, about the pregnancy. The marriage thing she understood, since she hadn't exactly accepted, but he'd known that she was pregnant several days before she even knew, and yet he hadn't even told his own best friend.

"Well I'll be damned," Chet finally said, stroking his mustache thoughtfully. "Who woulda thought Gage had it in him?"

"What, to reproduce or propose? Because I can assure you he definitely knows what he's doing in the reproducing department." Scarlett grinned slyly, recalling just how great he actually was at that particular activity.

"...Now there's something I never once wanted to know in my life." Chet made a face and Scarlett noticed Roy didn't look all that pleased with that piece of information either. Oh well. "You know, I need to be going. Cap's probably, uh, looking for me. Or something. Yeah. See you two later and uh.. Congrats."

Chet practically bolted out of the room and Scarlett couldn't help but laugh out loud, and she noticed Roy had a slight grin as well.

"It usually takes a lot to drive Chet from a room. Good job on that."

"Yeah, well, he was annoying anyway." Scarlett replied, noticing Roy continued to grin.

"You know," He began. "I always knew Johnny'd settle down eventually, once he found the right girl and all. Just didn't expect it to be so soon."

This made Scarlett snort. "I don't think he did either." And upon seeing the confusion in Roy's face, she added. "I think he believes he has to marry me now that I'm pregnant, and I don't like it. I don't want him to marry me just because he thinks he has to. That's so wrong to me."

Roy seemed to consider her words for a second before replying. "Johnny is noble, sure, but not that noble. He wouldn't have asked you to marry him if he wasn't a hundred percent sure that's what he wanted."

"Maybe you're right. It just felt a little weird, you know?"

Before Roy could answer though, a bespectacled man appeared in the doorway and Scarlett observed how Roy immediately tensed. It was clear he didn't particularly care for this man.

"DeSoto?" The man inquired from the door. It was also pretty clear why Roy didn't seem to like him. He seemed the no nonsense, real stick in the mud type and it bugged her already.

"Yeah... Hey, Brice..." Roy awkwardly replied and turned to Scarlett. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

As she watched Roy leave with the stick in the mud, she found herself almost wishing he would come back. She really didn't want to be alone right now, but sometimes you don't get what you wish for. At least maybe there'd be an update on Johnny soon.

 **Author's note**  
 **Guest: Thanks for reviewing! I've since added a self-harm warning to the summary and fixed the eye color thing. Whoops, not sure how I overlooked either of those things. Ah, the "My Immortal" fanfic, what a piece of literary brilliance that one was. Although to be quite fair, I never actually was able to make it through the entire fic. It was just a little too painful, even for me. I do know and acknowledge that my OC has a very Mary-Sue-esque name, however. Just maybe not as bad as Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Maybe**


	33. Chapter 33

Scarlett wasn't sure how long it'd been since Roy had left with the guy who was being a stick in the mud. It felt like forever but she logically knew it had probably only been an hour or two. There still hadn't been any updates on Johnny and it made her nervous. What if he wasn't okay?

Honestly, she wished she had some sort of distraction from the panic and doubt that was eating her up inside. It was almost unbearable not having a cellphone at times. At least with internet access, she could attempt to distract herself with whatever lame mobile games were popular. Really, she'd even do with a Chet distraction, however annoying he may be. Being alone right now was almost criminal.

As if answering her prayers, Roy reappeared, making his way to stand next to her bed again.

"I can't stay for long, but Dix wanted me to tell you Johnny's out of surgery and he's doing pretty well all things considering."

"Considering?" She felt like a moron asking this but still she felt the need for clarification regardless.

"The extent of his injuries. Plus Doc is concerned with the possibility of pneumonia since he's had the flu for the last couple days and he's susceptible to pneumonia as is."

Scarlett took a deep breath. At least he was alive; that was the most important thing here.

"Can I see him?" She asked. That was the second most important thing, even though she didn't know if he'd necessarily even want to see her after their fight. Even if he didn't, she still needed to see for her own eyes that he was okay.

"Not yet. Dix said he's in recovery for an hour or so but we should be able to see him after he's moved into a room." She watched his eyes travel to the door nervously. "I need to be going again, but Dix should be back in, if I'm not back before then."

"Yeah, okay. Have fun with Brice by the way." Scarlett smirked as Roy stiffened.

"Yeah...fun" He mumbled as he once again exited the room, leaving Scarlett alone once more.

Letting out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, she deflated against her pillows. It was a huge relief to her that Johnny was doing alright, even if she couldn't see him herself yet. Just knowing he was alive was enough for right now.

Suddenly Scarlett snapped back to reality as sudden movement in her room startled her. Apparently she'd let her mind wander for awhile and she hadn't noticed. Oh well. At least it had passed some time which meant she didn't have to sit there being bored out of her mind.

"Hey Dixie." She addressed her newest visitor. "How is Johnny?"

As Dixie was taking her vitals, she smiled thoughtfully at her. "He's doing just fine. Doctors Brackett and Early performed surgery to repair a liver laceration which also included kidney involvement, but he made it through with flying colors." She paused for a second letting Scarlett absorb this new information. "Also fractured his fibula and got a concussion, but he's no stranger to concussions. We'll just have to watch him for awhile to make sure he doesn't have any complications."

"Can I see him now?" Scarlett asked her hopefully. Surely by now it'd be okay.

"I don't see why not, I'm sure he'd love to see you. I can go see about a wheelchair to take you." Upon seeing the face Scarlett made, she added. "Take it or leave it, you shouldn't be trying to walk yet, as well as the fact you're still on the IV for a bit longer."

Dixie's face screamed 'challenge me, I dare you' and Scarlett knew better than to even try, so she merely shut up and nodded as Dixie went to get the wheelchair.

 **Author's note:**

 **Life has been pretty crazy since last Wednesday and I've had little time to sit down to write and edit, so my update is a little late. Here's two chapters though so hopefully that makes up for my lateness.**


	34. Chapter 34

Dixie pushed Scarlett to Johnny's room, but stopped just outside.

"I have to warn you, he's pretty out of it from the pain medications. He won't remember anything you say later."

"Yeah, I get it." She nodded, and as Dixie pushed her inside the room, she finally caught sight of Johnny for the first time since he'd stormed out of her hospital room.

Admittedly, he looked bad. His right leg was in a cast, not to mention the incision she knew was on his abdomen from the surgery he'd had just hours before. The bandaged cut on his cheek and the bruises she could see peppering his skin were also not doing his appearance any favors.

"Hey." Scarlett said, as Dixie moved her to the side of the bed. It was a strange feeling having the roles reversed.

"Hey yourself," He said, giving a raspy reply which was accompanied by a silly grin. It was completely obvious now that he was sick, as well as loopy, which Dixie warned her about.

Scarlett couldn't suppress the giggle that escaped her. She'd never seen him this way, and it was strange, but yet extremely cute at the same time.

"I'll leave you two alone." Dixie gave her a knowing smile and pat on the shoulder before leaving.

"How do you feel?" She asked, even though she could guess the answer. The loopy grin he was wearing was really the best indicator.

"Good, now that you're here." Johnny reached out and grabbed her hand. "Missed you."

Scarlett gave him a smile of her own. "I missed you too. You know, since I'm not allowed to scare you anymore, that doesn't mean you go and scare me."

"Sorry, didn't mean to. I... I don't know what happened." Johnny began coughing and, even to Scarlett, it didn't sound good.

"I'm sorry I got you sick, by the way. You probably should've just left me alone."

"Never wanna leave you alone. Love you, 'member?" The silly grin returned as he pulled his hand out of hers and placed it on her stomach. "Wanna spend the rest of my life with you. And the baby. Promise I'll never leave you alone."

Scarlett was suddenly struck with a sense of deja vu and she wondered if Johnny even remembered the last time they'd had this conversation. Honestly, she hoped he didn't.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you too."

"Yeah? Love me now?" He replied as his eyes drifted shut, making Scarlett wonder if he was falling asleep. He did look exhausted. It was also evident he did, in fact, remember that conversation. Damn.

"Of course I do. I always have, you know, from the moment I first saw you." Scarlett allowed herself to admit for the first time out loud, safe in the knowledge he wouldn't remember later. There would be time later to have a proper conversation about it, when he wasn't under the influence of heavy painkillers.

If she hadn't been watching his face, she would've missed the small, but silly smile.

"So you'll marry me then?" Johnny asked and immediately went into a coughing fit, making Scarlett wince.

"Yeah, of course I will." Scarlett replied, as his coughing subsided. "You're the love of my life, why wouldn't I?"

"Didn't sound so enthusiastic before..."

Scarlett tensed as he was obviously referring to the first conversation. The conversation she wished she could forget.

"I know, I'm sorry. Like I said, it was just too much all at once. I didn't mean to make you mad."

Johnny's eyes had drifted shut again, and Scarlett could tell he was fighting a losing battle at staying awake.

"Wasn't mad, was hurt. Thought you didn't love me back."

"Well, I do, and you need to sleep. You look exhausted." In all fairness, he still looked simply adorable, in a way only Johnny could manage.

"Don't wanna..." He mumbled. "Don't wanna leave you."

"Don't worry about that. You need to rest, you know." Scarlett replied, suddenly remembering something she had wanted to ask him. "Why didn't you tell Roy about the pregnancy, by the way?"

"Too busy. Worrying. Losing my mind. Losing my mind with worry." Johnny said as his glassy dark eyes met hers, and he blinked sleepily, clearly struggling to stay awake. "Wasn't a good time to tell."

Even though his explanation was pretty crappy, Scarlett accepted it for now since it was clear he was drugged, and slowly losing his fight to stay awake. She hoped he'd be able to elaborate at a later date.

"Okay, Johnny. You really need to sleep now though." She said as she softly stroked his hair, in what she hoped was a comforting action. After all, he'd done it to her, and it was pretty great.

" 'K" He replied simply, as he finally gave in and sunk into the blissful depths of unconsciousness, which made her almost jealous of him. She knew sleeping would be a struggle as long as he was in the hospital.

Scarlett stayed awhile longer, but Johnny remained in a deep sleep, and even though she wished he'd wake up she knew it was for the best that he slept and healed.

It wasn't too much later when Dixie came back and wheeled her back to her own room, where she knew she wouldn't get any sleep tonight.

 **Author's note:**

 **Guest: Thanks for your reviews, they're very much appreciated! Every writer's goal is to provide entertainment for their readers and as such I'm glad to hear I've succeeded in amusing you! Hope you continue to enjoy the story!**


	35. Chapter 35

Roy had been practically asleep when he heard it. A small, low groan, which wouldn't have been meaningful in any other scenario suddenly had him bolting out of the uncomfortable chair he had been dozing in and rushing to the side of his injured and ill partner.

"Johnny?" He questioned the still very much still form of his partner on the bed. "Are you back with us, junior?"

Johnny's head moved a little and Roy watched as his eyes opened and closed several times before finally opening just enough to look at him.

"Johnny?" Roy questioned again. "Hey. Can you hear me?"

" 'oy." Johnny coughed and Roy instantly cringed. He sounded pretty rough. Trying to cover up his initial reaction, he busied himself with pouring Johnny some water.

"Few small sips, junior." Roy warned, knowing upsetting Johnny's stomach in his condition wouldn't be all that great of an idea. "Hey, I said a few small sips!"

As Johnny gradually became more aware he seemed overly eager to go to town on the water. Roy felt bad for not being able to allow his partner to gorge himself on it, but he knew it was for his own good.

"Hurt..." Johnny complained and Roy found himself having to lean close to his face to even hear him, as the oxygen mask he wore muffled his voice.

"I know, junior, you had an accident."

"Roy?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop calling... Me... junior." Johnny managed to get out, despite the fact he seemed to be having some difficulty breathing. It made Roy wonder if Brackett would end up deciding to intubate Johnny.

Still, Johnny's request made him grin. It was definitely reassuring to know his partner's temperament had remained untouched.

"Roy?"

"Yes, Johnny?"

"Why... Are you.. Here?" Johnny questioned.

"I didn't want to leave you alone. I had to go back on duty with your replacement, which was Brice, but I wasn't going to finish the shift." Roy explained. "I just had to wait until someone was found to cover for me so I could come be with you."

Roy watched Johnny as he tried to comprehend what he'd just told him, and he expected a comment about working with Brice but it never came.

"Where's.. Scarlett?" Johnny asked instead. Of course, he had bigger things on his mind now other than laughing at him for his Brice misfortune.

"Resting finally. I heard Dix had to badger her to leave you."

Johnny nodded, and Roy noticed how expressive his dark eyes seemed to be. "Wouldn't... Other.. Wise."

"Yeah, we know. Her stubbornness only rivals yours."

Roy watched as the corner of Johnny's mouth curled up in a slight smile.

"Wanna.. See her." He made an attempt to get up and Roy immediately moved to hold him down.

"Whoa, easy. You're in no condition to get up, Johnny." Roy could feel himself getting a little irritated with the situation but tried to not let it show in his tone.

"Don't care. Need... To see... Her." Johnny coughed as he feebly continued to try to get up, but of course failed miserably.

His partner could barely breathe and was as weak as a kitten from not only illness but also injury and yet STILL wanted to try and fight him to see Scarlett. Roy shook his head, those two were clearly made for each other.

Suddenly Johnny's breathing caught his attention. It was somehow even more labored than before and only Roy's paramedic training stopped him from completely panicking.

"Try to take deep breaths." Roy expertly coached him. "Come on, in and out. That's it."

"Hurts... " Johnny's eyes were closed tightly in pain and Roy's heart hurt for him.

"I know, Johnny. That's because you managed to get pneumonia." Roy felt himself relax slightly as Johnny's breathing finally slowed somewhat. "Why you couldn't just settle for the flu like everyone else is beyond me."

"Bad, huh?" Johnny asked in what sounded like a breathless whisper and immediately went into a coughing fit.

"Bad." He confirmed. "When Brackett sees you he might just intubate you."

"Roy?" Johnny asked quietly. Any energy he had had seemed to be fading.

"Yeah, Johnny?"

"If... I.. kick it.. Take.. Care.. Of her."

If there was anything Roy had expected him to say, it wasn't that. Immediately it felt as though his blood had run cold in his veins. Had his partner really just said that?

"Take care of her yourself, junior." Roy replied, not even noticing he'd called him junior again. "You're not going to kick it. It's bad, yeah, but not that bad. So you gotta hang on, Johnny."

"With... Both hands." Johnny whispered before falling into unconscious once more.


	36. Chapter 36

Just as Scarlett had expected, she laid awake in her bed for at least half the night. Truthfully, she hadn't even expected to get what she assumed was two or three hours of sleep before being woken up, so she felt thankful she'd at least managed to get that. As her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room, she pondered what could've woke her and what time it could be.

Well, judging from the light coming in from the window, it couldn't have been later than early morning. As for what woke her, she couldn't say. There was no obvious reason, although she suspected it maybe was a nurse that had came in to check on her and left already, or maybe just her own inability to sleep for long while under stress. Who knows really, but the cause wasn't exactly important, she was awake now regardless.

Resigning herself to the fact she knew she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, Scarlett's thoughts drifted back to Johnny and what he had said last night. If he was actually still willing to marry her when he wasn't high as a kite, she would definitely do it. For as much as she tried to tell herself she didn't want it, she knew she did, and she believed now that Johnny actually did want to marry her out of love and not just because she was pregnant. Thinking about it, that had actually been a silly thing to assume, but a valid concern nonetheless.

A bit later the sound of footsteps interrupted her thoughts and Scarlett was almost annoyed to see it was Dixie accompanied by Brackett. Truthfully, she didn't much care for the doctor. Although she knew he was definitely competent at his job, he just seemed too uptight for her liking.

"How are you feeling?" The person in question asked.

"I feel fine. How's Johnny though? He was pretty out of it last night when I saw him." Scarlett questioned him and immediately she felt the air in the room change and Brackett shot Dixie a look. That didn't seem good.

"Let's talk about you first, alright?" Brackett said flipping through her chart. "Everything looks good. I think it's time to get rid of the IV. You can take the rest of the course of antibiotics orally, as well as any pain medications you might need. How is the pain, by the way?"

Scarlett studied him for a second. There was something about his demeanor that was off and she suspected it had to do with Johnny.

"My chest is still really sore but I'm okay." She answered truthfully, although she wasn't too sure how long it would be true as she wasn't sure how she'd feel once her last dose of pain medicine wore off.

"CPR tends to do that." He replied dryly. "I'd recommend sticking with pain relief for the time being. It might not be too pleasant otherwise."

"Yeah, I guess." Scarlett simply replied.

Brackett raised his eyebrow slightly but didn't comment. Instead he turned to Dixie and nodded at her as she went to work at removing the IV.

"So, how's Johnny?" She asked again and she saw Brackett's mouth twitch.

"Johnny had a rough night last night. As you know, he's prone to getting pneumonia." He began, observing Scarlett's reaction before he continued. "Well, he spiked a fever and was having a significant amount of trouble breathing, so we've had to move him to the ICU and place him on a ventilator for the time being. It was also in his best interest that we sedate him so that not only will he tolerate the vent, but it will allow his body to rest."

Scarlett felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on her. Although she was expecting bad, this was **bad**. She had been fully convinced he'd be fine, without any complications, but now this was happening and there was nothing good about him not being able to breathe effectively on his own or needing to be sedated.

"We're taking this day by day," Brackett continued. "and we'll reevaluate his condition later but ideally I don't want him vented for more than two days if I can help it."

She took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. This was all too much to take in at once especially considering she hadn't slept much during the night. Finally she asked the one question that was most important to her.

"Is he going to be alright?"


	37. Chapter 37

Scarlett saw Brackett's mouth twitch again before he replied. "I can't say. He's, otherwise, in good health, so he certainly has that going for him but the sole fact he's had to be put on a ventilator is a cause for concern. Right now we just have to wait and see."

Silently she bit her lip, afraid that if she said anything, all of her pent up emotions would pour out and now wasn't the time for that. Unfortunately, she could feel the tears prickling at the corner of her eyes, and fought to keep them from spilling over. Dixie, thankfully, came up beside her and handed her a couple of pills in a cup, having freed her of her IV nuisance, which subsequently gave her a moment to compose herself.

"Take these, and I'll take you to see Johnny." Dixie told her, and Scarlett pretended to not notice the look she gave Brackett, as if daring him to disagree with her. Sighing a little, she put the pills in her mouth, and using the cup of water she had next to her bed, she swallowed them.

Much to Dixie's pleasure, Brackett didn't seem to be interested in fighting with her, though he did seem slightly annoyed.

"Just make sure she doesn't overdo it. She's recovering from a serious illness, and normally I wouldn't approve of this but," He looked her in the eyes. "I know you'll hound me about it all day and I'm much too busy for it today."

"Why, what ever do you mean, Kel?" Dixie smirked innocently at him as he rolled his eyes.

"As if I didn't just see you hounding Johnny every time you saw him yesterday. Like I said, Dix, I don't have time for that today."

Brackett stood to leave, but first turned to Scarlett.

"Like I just told Dix, take it easy. You're still recovering yourself, and you won't do Johnny any good by getting sick again."

Scarlett just nodded as he finally left, before redirecting her focus on Dixie.

"So you hounded Johnny yesterday?"

"It wasn't hounding. He just needed to be told how unfair he was being to you by storming out and refusing to talk to you." Dixie paused a second. "Johnny is usually pretty sensible but sometimes you have to make him see sensibility. Anyway, I'll get a wheelchair and take you to see Johnny, how's that sound?"

Several minutes later Dixie returned with the wheelchair, and Scarlett was taken up to the ICU. The first thing she noticed was how silent it was, the whirling and beeping of medical equipment the only real sounds. The second thing was how the beds were only separated by curtains for whatever minuscule amount of privacy that provided. Finally they reached where Johnny was, and Scarlett immediately felt like crying. He didn't deserve this.

"You can try to walk a little if you think you can. Just don't overdo it." Dixie said quietly, and stuck close to her as Scarlett shakily got to her feet for the first time in days. Surprisingly, she found she wasn't as weak as she expected, but she definitely wouldn't be running any marathons anytime soon. As if she ever had anyway.

As Scarlett moved closer to Johnny's bed, she studied the prone form of the man lying there. Johnny looked to be in a very deep sleep, but this wasn't sleep, that much she knew, even if she hadn't been told. He was usually a ball of energy, never seeming to be able to stay still for very long. Even in sleep he tended to move quite a bit, much to her annoyance, and the eerie stillness of his form now just proved how much this wasn't sleep.

Looking at him made her heart ache as she realized how much worse he looked than when she'd last seen him yesterday. Not only was there a breathing tube shoved down his throat breathing for him, there were also quite a few different wires going to and from him, some of which were different IV lines. Scarlett also noticed his flushed appearance, which she knew was most likely a fever, however she wasn't expecting him to feel quite as warm as he did when she took hold of his limp hand.

All things considered, it wasn't much of a surprise Brackett had decided to sedate him. Even without the ventilator, Scarlett knew he would've been absolutely miserable being so ill, so this was really the kindest thing that could've been done in this situation. Still, she found herself missing him and wondering when Brackett would lower it. He just wasn't Johnny like this.


	38. Chapter 38

Scarlett didn't know what she should do. The love of her life was sick, and she felt helpless to truly help him. The only saving grace was that he seemed to be getting better, if ever so slightly. At least that was the indication that Brackett and the others had given her.

Leaning over him, she kissed him on the cheek, and made sure he was properly covered, her gaze lingering on his unconscious face. She imagined him opening his eyes, all better, and the two of them going back to their home where she would say once again she loved him and would marry him, and they would have a life with one another.

Unfortunately, she didn't know what else to do. She wasn't exactly good at waiting, especially when it involved Johnny and him getting better. Letting out a deep breath, Scarlett just proceeded to watch him as he slept, taking in every detail.

"When you wake up, things are probably going to change," She said, to herself, voicing her thoughts aloud. "Not exactly sure how, but always figure marriage just magically changes things."

She was intentionally ignoring the child part of the equation. It was easier to just focus on one step at a time, rather than overburdening herself with all the possible changes that would arise from all this. Easier to focus on the marriage first, since that would likely be where they begun.

Letting out a contented sigh, she thought back on all the events on that night that led to here. Thought back on how she was once upset about following that cat, and somehow winding up in the past... But now, she was happy. She had met the man of her life, and while he was sick currently, he would get better, she repeated to herself, and they would get married. They would have a kid, and a life together. Honestly, following that cat that night had ended up the best decision of her life, and she was happy for all the little things that had happened along the way. After all, she now had Johnny, and when he got better, repeating the thought of him better a third time as if to magically make it so right now, things would be great. Great in ways her old self would have never believed possible.

At some point, Brackett came back in, and checked up on Johnny, only to leave shortly after without saying much or badgering Scarlett to rest. He was probably still worried about being badgered by Dixie if he said even a word to indicate Scarlett should leave. Something of which Scarlett was grateful for because she didn't exactly want to be apart from Johnny just yet, content to just be looking at him as he rest, while engrossed in her own thoughts. She did realize that at some point, though, she would need to leave so she herself could properly rest up. She was worried that if she didn't she'd get badgered by a joint combo of Brackett and Dixie nagging her. That they would tell her that just because Johnny got sick, it didn't mean she could just ignore her own wellbeing to make sure he was okay. Thankfully though, that moment in which she left didn't need to be right this second.


	39. Chapter 39

Scarlett wasn't sure how long she'd sat there next to him, however it seemed like an eternity. She just wanted him to open his eyes and say that he'd be okay, but she knew the sedation was for his own good. Suddenly footsteps brought her out of her thoughts and she turned to face none other than Roy.

"Hey." He said, coming to stand next to her. "You still here?"

"Well yeah, where else would I be?" Realizing how grumpy she sounded, she added. "It's just hard to be away from him for very long. I know he'll be fine, but I'm afraid that the second I leave he won't be."

Roy nodded. "Yeah, I get it. Johnny wouldn't want you worrying about him though, and I'm sure he'd tell you himself if he could." He turned his gaze to his still very ill partner lying motionless on the bed. "In fact, he'd tell you to concentrate more on your own well-being. After all, it's not just about you anymore, is it?"

Scarlett took a deep breath. Roy was right, of course. She did need to take care of herself and therefore the tiny life growing inside her. It was just almost impossible to separate her focus from Johnny.

As if sensing her inner turmoil, Roy started speaking again. "Dr. Brackett thinks Johnny is heading in the right direction now. His fever has dropped a little since last night and his lungs are sounding a little better. He's pretty optimistic that Johnny will be able to be taken off the vent soon."

For the first time in days, Scarlett finally found herself smiling. This was the best news she'd heard so far, well, other than that he was still alive.

"Removing the sedation too?" She hopefully asked. She really wanted to talk to him again.

"It'll probably be lowered, yeah. Dr. Brackett wanted to be able to give Johnny's body a chance to rest and it seems to be working, so I don't see why not."

Scarlett took one more look at Johnny and squeezed his hand.

"I'll be back later." She quietly told him and turned to Roy and smirked. "Need to take care of myself. Or something."

Scarlett was pleased to see Roy return it before asking her if she needed any help getting back to her room.

"Yeah. I hate to admit it, but I'm not supposed to be walking very much yet."

"You're walking better than I would've expected. It shouldn't be too long until you have your full strength back." Roy replied and then added. "Johnny's going to hate being stuck in a wheelchair for a while."

"Yeah, he will. Hopefully he doesn't drive himself too crazy."

"I wouldn't be too worried about that," Roy smiled. "I don't think he could get any crazier even if he tried."


	40. Chapter 40

Several days later, not much had changed. Johnny still remained deeply sedated and blissfully unaware of the world around him as Scarlett fought to keep herself together for his sake. She knew he wouldn't want her completely falling apart just because he was horribly ill, but really the uncertainty was eating her up inside.

Scarlett knew it was affecting Roy too, if his increasingly haggard appearance was any indication of his inner turmoil. She wished there was some way she could help ease his pain, but there wasn't, just as she couldn't do anything about her own. Well, there was one thing that could possibly ease it for her a little.

The desire to cut had been plaguing her since this whole mess had started, but she was reluctant to as she knew Johnny would definitely not approve if he found out. The last thing she wanted was to feel like she had failed him and maybe she didn't want to fail herself either, because for the first time in years she had stopped harming herself. It had been surprisingly easy to stop, honestly, because Scarlett knew it would be their relationship on the line if he ever found out and she wasn't ever going to risk that. Besides, there was really no reason to harm herself when she was so deliriously happy with him most of the time.

Now however the desire was back full force and Scarlett wondered how long she could continue to fight it. Surely it'd be easier to just give in, and besides, Johnny was too ill to notice even if he did wake up. Nobody else would ever notice either, especially if she wasn't extremely obvious about where she did it. Even though the temptation was strong and her mind practically screamed at her to give in, she knew she needed to remain strong and fight against it. At least for the time being anyway.

Pushing those thoughts away, Scarlett concentrated on making her way to Johnny's room unassisted. Although she was still weak and slightly unsteady on her feet, she was mostly capable of walking, and she hated having to rely on everyone to help her. No, Scarlett was going to push herself no matter what Brackett or Dixie said. She had to be a hundred percent there for Johnny, he was what was most important right now, even if he would disagree if he was awake.

Nearing the entrance to the ICU, Scarlett spotted Brackett, Roy, and another gray haired doctor she had never seen before, gathered in a small circle clearly having what looked to be an important conversation. Immediately dread filled her as she noticed the tense body language of everyone, especially Roy, and she knew whatever this meeting was about couldn't be good. Quickly she debated trying to hide and eavesdrop, but damn, Roy had already spotted her. He was surprisingly observant, at least more than she was used to with Johnny who was pretty much the most oblivious guy she'd ever met. It only made him more endearing to her though.

"Hey Scarlett." Roy greeted with a small, clearly forced smile as she approached the group. "Didn't think you'd be walking around by yourself so soon."

"Neither did I." Brackett cut in, and if glares could kill, she would've immediately dropped dead from the look on his face. Yup, she still didn't like him. At all.

Thankfully the older doctor chose that moment to interrupt before Brackett could annihilate her.

"Ah, so you must be Scarlett, Johnny's girlfriend and Kel here's star patient. " The doctor gave her a warm smile and Scarlett found herself liking him almost instantly. He seemed warm and friendly, much unlike the prickly and easily angered Brackett. "I've heard so much about you, I feel like I know you already!"

Brackett rolled his eyes at the doctor's statement. "She's even more incorrigible than Johnny is! If he could've found a better match I'd like to see it!"

The older doctor chuckled at his colleague's words and addressed Scarlett again. "Glad Johnny finally found a nice woman to settle down with, he needed someone nice to ground him. I'm Doctor Early, by the way. Doctor Brackett has asked me consult on Johnny's case. Our boy has certainly gotten himself into a predicament this time, hasn't he?"

"Joe..." Brackett said warningly and finally Scarlett knew with certainty that they were intentionally trying to keep things from her. It was quite honestly infuriating.

"What's going on?" She boldly asked, barely containing her anger. "Obviously it must be bad if you've been trying to keep me out of the loop!"

At least everyone had the decency to look guilty, well everyone except Brackett.

"Scarlett," He said, his voice taking on that no nonsense tone that she'd heard so many times. But somehow now it seemed different. "I know it's not what you want to hear, but Johnny's condition is critical and Roy holds his medical power of attorney. Which means, as long as Johnny is unable to make his own decisions regarding his care, Roy is making these decisions on his behalf."

"Also, in your condition," Brackett continued. "it was unanimously decided it was better to spare some of the details involving his current condition."

"My condition?" Scarlett spat out. "It's because I'm pregnant, right? Are we really going there? I'm just too weak and fragile to handle the truth because I'm pregnant?"

"You nearly died!" Brackett threw back. "What part of this are you so incapable of understanding? This isn't just about you anymore! This isn't a game! This isn't something you can just be careless with and go 'oh well' when you lose! You have another person depending on your survival now, whether you like it or not!"

For a second everyone stood in shock at Brackett's outburst. Even Doctor Early looked a bit taken aback, although he recovered faster than even Scarlett.

"Kel.. "

"No, Joe. Someone needs to get it through her head!" He turned back to Scarlett. "Johnny may put up with it, but if you can't grow up and stop being so careless and selfish with your life, maybe you're not fit to be a mother!"

"Screw you!" Scarlett shouted after him as he turned and stalked away. She didn't know if he could even hear her but it really didn't matter. "At least I'm not a bitter asshole and someone actually loves me!"

 **Author's note:**

 **Piscean6724: Thanks for your review and glad to hear you've been enjoying the fanfic so far! It's definitely motivating as a writer to hear that people have been enjoying your work. Hope you keep reading, you won't be disappointed.**


	41. Chapter 41

Practically shaking from anger Scarlett turned to the remaining group.

"God, I hate that guy. Where does he get off saying that to someone?"

"Kel's definitely an acquired taste." Doctor Early replied. "If I recall correctly, didn't him and Johnny butt heads at first as well?"

Roy nodded sheepishly. "Yeah, they did. Johnny didn't care for him at all at first."

"That's what I thought." Early smiled at Scarlett. "Yet another way you and Johnny are alike. And I'm sure, much like Johnny did, you'll learn to like him."

Scarlett couldn't even control her snort. "Yeah, right. I've never particularly cared for assholes."

"Well," Early replied. "if nothing else, he did help save your life. You owe him that at least."

"Johnny and the other paramedics did most of the work." Scarlett grumbled, even if she didn't wanna admit it she knew Doctor Early was right. That wasn't gonna stop her from hating the prickly doctor, however.

"Right, so uh," Roy began. "About Johnny..."

In all the commotion Scarlett had somehow forgotten about the topic at hand : Johnny and his condition. She was actually pretty embarrassed about it.

"Yes, back to Johnny." Doctor Early nodded. "As Doctor Brackett stated, Roy holds medical power of attorney over Johnny, so long as he is unconscious and unable to make his own decisions, Roy will make them for him."

"Why does Roy have medical power of attorney anyway?"

"Guess Johnny never changed it." Roy shrugged sheepishly. "I was the closest thing he had to family for a long time, so he gave it to me in case something were to happen."

"Which is understandable." Early replied, clearly reading the annoyance on Scarlett's face which was only furthered by her left-over anger. "Right now Johnny is in a very touch and go situation. It seems he's developed a secondary infection, which isn't all that uncommon, however in his already weakened state it's much more dangerous."

Early stopped for a second to let Scarlett take everything in before continuing. "Johnny is fighting hard but his body is already overwhelmed and overcompensating and our fear is that he won't be able to keep it up much longer."

"So," Scarlett whispered, anger forgotten. "Johnny is dying?"

"Now, I wouldn't write him off just yet. We're adding some different medications and doing all we can. It's really just up to Johnny right now to hold on for a bit longer."

Scarlett took a deep breath. Her heart was pounding so hard she feared she might faint. She was honestly scared. Scared she might actually lose the love of her life after finally finding true happiness.

"What about the sedation?" She forced herself to ask. "Are you going to lower it?"

"I wouldn't really recommend it right now, but really, it's Roy's call." Doctor Early began, talking more to Roy than her. "There are, of course, pros and cons to keeping Johnny so deeply sedated, however Kel and I believe keeping him under for a little longer is really the best thing for him. He doesn't need any additional stress on his body right now."

Scarlett kept her eyes on Roy and it was obvious that he didn't exactly enjoy the situation he'd been suddenly placed in. Even though she knew the doctor was most likely right and waking Johnny up would almost certainly be a death sentence, a small part of her still wished Roy wouldn't agree to keep him sedated. It was a stupid and unreasonable thought, but she really missed him.

Finally Roy nodded. "Yeah. Keep him sedated. That's the best option."

"I don't expect to have to keep him under for much longer, just maybe another day or two until the new medications have a chance to start working. I fully expect we'll see Johnny turning the corner soon." Early smiled, a kind of smile that was sincere and filled with warmth, and shook his head. "Boy, Johnny knows how to get into some scrapes, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, I'd say." Roy replied dryly.

"This is Scarlett's first go around, isn't it?" Doctor Early turned to her and continued. "See, Johnny likes to keep all of us on our toes, but we know to expect the unexpected from him. We're monitoring him pretty closely in case he throws us some more curve balls. Anyway, I need to get back to work. Nice meeting you, Scarlett. See ya later, Roy."

"Nice meeting you, too." She replied as Early left, and truly it was. It was nice to have a change of pace from Brackett, who she couldn't believe absolutely reamed her a bit ago. What a jerk. If there had ever been any hope of liking him that was definitely shot to hell now.

Now wasn't the time to stew in her hatred of the doctor, however. Scarlett really just wanted to return to Johnny's side and as she turned to enter the ICU, Roy reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder, stopping her.

"Hey, before you go, you should know I'm sorry. I really didn't think I was still named as his medical power of attorney."

Scarlett had to stop herself from sighing. "It's fine. We're both on his side, just don't hide things from me anymore and we're good."

Roy nodded. "Right. Go see Johnny, I'll talk to you later." He gave her one last pat on the shoulder before turning and leaving.

Really, Roy wasn't a bad guy. He was actually a pretty damn nice guy, but at the current time she couldn't help but feel incredibly betrayed by him. Not only because he had sole control of Johnny's current medical treatment, but also that he'd purposely voted to keep her out of the loop. She was the most important person in Johnny's life, and yet they'd purposely excluded her. It was pretty fucked up really.

With a sigh, Scarlett finally made her way to Johnny and she hoped things would turn out all right.

 **Author's note:**

 **Special midweek chapter! Enjoy!**


	42. Chapter 42

Somehow Johnny had managed to, yet again, look worse than the last time Scarlett had seen him. His skin still held the same flushed appearance but it somehow looked even worse now and it made her wonder if his fever had gone back up. Sitting in the chair next to his bed, she brushed away the sweat soaked hair from his face. Damn, yeah, he was definitely really warm. Scarlett made a mental note to ask about his temperature next time she saw Dixie or any of his nurses.

Hearing footsteps approaching brought her out of her quiet assessment of Johnny and she was a little surprised to see who had suddenly appeared.

"Didn't know you'd be here, but shoulda figured, huh?" The guest spoke, shifting his gaze from Scarlett to Johnny. "How's Gage doing, anyway?"

"Not very good, apparently." Scarlett debated telling the man everything but found that it would be inappropriate. She didn't really like nor trust him. "Doctor Early said it's pretty touch and go right now. Johnny just needs to keep fighting, really."

"Man..." The man began and surveyed the unconscious form of Johnny again. "He looks worse than the time he had that weird monkey virus. Really didn't think he'd make it out of that one, either."

"Dont say that, Chet." Scarlett snapped. "Johnny'll be fine, he just needs time to heal."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but," Chet paused to gather his words. "He looks bad, you can't deny that he looks bad, and he's so still and almost lifeless. Nothing like normal Gage."

"I know he looks bad, how do you expect a critically ill person to look?" She glared at the curly haired man. "They also have him pretty deeply sedated, that's why he doesn't move. It really isn't easy seeing him like this, but he'll be okay."

"Yeah, I'd hate to have to break in a new Pigeon." Chet suddenly grinned. "But babe, if Gage croaks, I'm available. I'll take care of you better than ol' Johnny boy here ever could."

Scarlett shot him the meanest glare she could muster. People were really getting on her nerves lately, first Brackett and now Chet again. "Why would you even say that? Johnny's fighting for his life and you keep flirting with me and saying crap. Are you really even his friend?"

"Whoa, babe, calm down." Chet moved closer to her and touched her shoulder. "Remember what I said before? Regardless of what you say, I still just think you deserve better than him. Even when Gage walks out of here, do you really think he'll actually marry you? He just isn't the type, and you're kidding yourself believing he is."

Rising from the chair, Scarlett found herself clinging to the last bit of mental restraint she possessed so she wouldn't throttle the man in front of her. It was apparent that he cared for Johnny, at least somewhat, but clearly not enough to have some decency. What kind of friend would flirt and try to steal your girlfriend right out from under you while you were horribly ill?

"Chet, go away." She said shortly.

Chet stood there looking slightly hurt but didn't move. "Babe, come on..."

"Chet, I swear to God if you don't leave I will punch you so hard in the face that no girl will ever look your away again, ever!"

"Fine, fine, I'm going." He said, moving slightly backwards before fleeing. "Just don't forget my offer!"

After watching him leave and making sure he wasn't going to come back, Scarlett finally turned back to Johnny. She wondered if he had any clue that his so called friend was such a sleazeball beyond the pranks he played.


	43. Chapter 43

Awhile later, Scarlett looked up as Dixie entered the small space and immediately sighed in relief that it wasn't Chet returning. Really, she'd had enough with infuriating people for one day but fortunately Dixie was one person she really liked. There was just something about her that made you instantly like her.

"How are you?" Dixie asked her with a bright smile as she took Johnny's vitals.

Scarlett simply shrugged at the bright nurse. "Hanging in there, I guess. By the way, what's his temp? He feels warm."

"103.2 and climbing." Dixie frowned as she shook down the thermometer she'd just used. "Pretty soon we're going to need cooling blankets if his fever doesn't break."

Dixie pat Johnny's arm and smiled."You aren't making this easy on us are you, tiger?"

"Hey Dixie, before you go, I wanted to ask you something." Scarlett said and prepared herself to ask what she considered a rather dumb question. "Do you... Do you think Johnny can hear us at all? Do you think he knows we're here?"

"Well yeah, I think it's entirely possible." Dixie replied. "I think you should try talking to him."

"You really think so?" Scarlett questioned.

"Yeah, I don't see why not. Talking to him might help." Dixie gave her a kind smile. "Anyway, I gotta go. You need anything, dear?"

Scarlett merely shrugged. "Just Johnny."

"I know, honey, I know. Johnny's got a lot of fight in him, just remember that." Dixie said and gave her shoulder a squeeze before she left Scarlett alone with her thoughts.

Turning back to Johnny she mulled over whether he could potentially be able to hear them. It really didn't seem likely. Then again, her herself had somehow heard him while she was technically dead, so him being able to potentially hear while sedated wasn't the craziest thing in the world.

Regardless, Scarlett found herself wanting to talk to him. It certainly couldn't hurt, even if he couldn't hear her. Taking hold of his hand she began to speak.

"C'mon Johnny, don't give up." Scarlett told him, thinking of how she'd heard him when he'd called out to her when she was dead. Maybe it'd work here too. "Don't let go. Remember when I was dead and you told me I could fight it? Well you can fight this too. Just keep fighting."

Scarlett suddenly found herself crumbling and normally she would've been embarrassed but right now the thought didn't even cross her mind. She just needed Johnny to live, the alternative was just to painful to bear.

"Remember, you promised you wouldn't leave me. You don't get to just die and break it." She sobbed, and it felt like her heart was shattering into a billion little pieces. "God, Johnny, I need you, your child needs you. I can't do this on my own."

Scarlett took several breaths, trying to calm herself down before she continued. "I know that letting go might feel like the right thing to do and you might be tired of fighting, but Johnny, I can't live without you. I love you so much, you're my everything. So keep fighting, alright?"

"I wanted to give up, you know, and I almost did but.. I couldn't leave you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I couldn't bear to just leave you behind. So, you have to hold on, Johnny. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Wiping her eyes, Scarlett let out a sigh. Johnny may or may not be able to hear her, but she really hoped he held on all the same.


	44. Chapter 44

Johnny was lost to the world. Nothing but darkness surrounded him and it was a bit disconcerting, really. Where was he, why was he here and more importantly, how could he escape from this place?

Honestly, he wondered if this was what death was like. Maybe he'd died somewhere along the line and failed to notice somehow. How could he have died though? He wasn't quite sure on that part, only that that this absolutely wasn't normal.

Johnny recalled a memory, which seemed like an eternity ago, of Scarlett discussing her own near death experience. However this wasn't anything like what she'd described. There just seemed to be eternal nothingness, no overwhelming warmth, just the all consuming darkness. Although sometimes he could sense his friends and Scarlett nearby, the never-ending darkness seemed to act like a strong barrier separating him from them.

Johnny was lonely, quite honestly. He wasn't used to this degree of separation from everyone he loved, but he was never one to just give up. No, there had to be a way out of this darkness that held him prisoner. Johnny knew he just needed to find it and he always did enjoy a good puzzle, even if it drove him crazy until it was solved. He knew part of the puzzle was figuring out what happened to him, but as much as he tried he just couldn't remember.

Maybe there wasn't anything to remember, the logical part of his brain reasoned, but then why was he here? None of it made any sense, but yet here he was. If this truly was what death was like, then it sucked. He'd always expected it to be quite a bit different and not quite so lonely.

Johnny didn't know how long he was left to stew in his thoughts, only that it had left him even more irritated with his current predicament. He wished for something, anything, to break the monotony of the darkness, until right on cue it happened. Finally, there was a light in the distance and it seemed to beckon to him, but it made him uneasy.

Johnny wasn't an idiot, he knew following lights when you could be potentially dead was a very bad idea. Still, the fact it was something other than the darkness appealed to him and he wondered if it could really be all that bad. After all, Scarlett had followed a light and it had led her back to him. Following it couldn't hurt, right?

Just as soon as he'd made his decision he began to feel strange. Any desire Johnny had to find his way out of here was suddenly replaced with a lingering sense of peace with his decision. He'd been right, following a light could never be bad.


	45. Chapter 45

**"Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever wanna live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it. But every now and then look around. Drink it in. 'Cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow." - Meredith Grey, _G_** **rey's _Anatomy_**

A couple days later, Roy once again sat vigil at Johnny's bedside, having finally convinced Scarlett to leave and go to bed herself. She'd most likely never leave Johnny's side if it was entirely up to her. It was cute, actually, how Johnny had finally found someone who loved him in the way he'd always dreamed.

Roy sighed and rubbed his face with the back of his hand. He was tired, exhausted really. Lately most of his days, and sometimes nights, were spent solely at the hospital, and it was draining. He loved Johnny, he was his partner and best friend after all, but Roy missed his family. Fortunately, Joanne understood why he needed to be here, and Roy found himself incredibly grateful for his always understanding wife.

Without a sound, Roy took hold of Johnny's limp hand and squeezed it, something he'd never dare to do while his younger partner was conscious. Johnny surely would never let him live it down if he were. Letting his eyes roam over his best friend, it was still very apparent how ill he was. The cooling blankets that had been in place for the last several days were still in use but they seemed to be helping to lower the fever at least somewhat.

Regardless, Johnny's fever remained too high for comfort and he seemed to not be responding to the new medications as well as his doctors had hoped. In fact, Brackett was now worried about multiple organ failure.

"Come on, junior, you gotta get better so you can marry the girl of your dreams." Roy said to his unconscious best friend. Then he added. "Yeah, I heard about how you proposed. To tell you the truth, at first I couldn't really believe it because, imagine you of all people getting married. But I get it now."

Roy paused for a second, trying to formulate his next thoughts into words. "You two really love each other. I admit, at first I thought this was just your usual kind of relationship. Ya know, where you're together for maybe a week and then you come into the station telling me about how it didn't work out." Roy smiled slightly at the memory. "But this time is different for you, junior, and I'm so happy for you. You deserve this, you deserve her, and if you don't keep fighting you'll never get to have that."

Deciding to change topics, Roy continued to talk to his unconscious partner. "You need to save me from Brice. I swear I can do no right in his eyes and he's driving me crazy." Roy sighed. "Listen, Johnny, I need you, alright? And not just to save me from 'the walking rulebook'. If you don't get better I..." He couldn't even bring himself to finish his sentence.

At some point Roy must've dozed off as he felt himself being startled awake at the sudden beeping of alarms. Every monitor surrounding Johnny seemed toblare in a sort of sick symphony as Brackett, Early, Dixie, and some nurses entered into the chaos.

"Asystole!" Brackett shouted, quickly going to work ordering everyone around. "Dix, get me 10ccs 1 to 10,000 epinephrine NOW. "

Roy watched in stunned silence as Doctor Brackett injected Johnny with various drugs and Doctor Early performed CPR. The paramedic part of him screamed at him to do something, anything, to help his best friend, but he was rooted in place watching fearfully at the chaos in front of him.

"Roy!" Brackett's voice suddenly pierced through his brain fog and he was suddenly in motion. "Take over for Joe!"

Before he could think about what he was doing, Roy suddenly found himself doing chest compressions on his best friend. The thought made him feel sick. This wasn't just a random victim, this was Johnny lying lifeless underneath him.

"V-Fib!" Brackett called out after what felt like forever. "Roy, hold CPR."

Without a sound, Roy watched as Brackett discharged the current of electricity through his lifeless partner and watched as his body arced upwards. Everyone's eyes were on the heart monitor as the straight line briefly shot up, only to resume its straight form.

"Damn it!" Brackett cursed the monitor as if it had personally offended him. "No conversion. Come on, Johnny, don't do this, son."

Without being told, Roy jumped back into action continuing CPR. He hated to admit it but he was rapidly tiring and losing hope, but he couldn't give up, not on Johnny.

"Let's have another round of Epi," Brackett ordered. "Roy, let Joe take over again."

Although his very soul protested it, he forced himself to let Early take over once more and he found himself speaking to his best friend without realizing.

"Johnny, you can't give up. Come on, junior, please don't do this. Please, Johnny."

Roy watched pitifully as Brackett administered another shock which only brought about the same result.

"Still no conversion." Brackett shook his head sadly, making no movement to continue his ministrations.

The room went silent, the prolonged piercing beep of the heart monitor the only sound.


	46. Chapter 46 (Warning: May be Triggering)

All Scarlett could hear was the blood rushing in her ears as she bolted from the hospital room and although she didn't know where she was going, she just knew she needed to get out of the room. Maybe if she ran far enough none of this would be happening. A panic attack threatened to overcome her as she ran without conscious thought as to where she was heading, but it didn't even matter at this point, nothing really mattered anymore.

Pushing open some doors, Scarlett suddenly found herself in the same courtyard Johnny had taken her to right after they had first met. For some reason her mind had subconsciously led her there, not that she should've been surprised in the slightest. Finally, she allowed herself to completely break down as the panic attack, along with her grief, consumed her. Falling to her knees, she choked on her sobs and she barely registered that it was dark and raining. The chilling wetness seemed to soak into her very soul but it didn't matter, she was already dead inside. Just as dead as Johnny now was.

Scarlett had finally found pure, true love and now he was dead. Because of her. Damn it, if only she hadn't gotten close to him maybe he'd still be alive now, but no, she had to be selfish and do it anyway. Everyone always left her in the end, there were never any exceptions, and she hated herself for thinking that there ever could've been.

How could she have been so stupid? Scarlett was a person meant to be alone and fate had once again proven it by extinguishing the light of someone so pure and bright as Johnny. The thought made her stomach roll as she sat shivering and gasping for breath in the downpour that perfectly matched her mood.

How could fate be so cruel as to take Johnny? He of all people hadn't deserved to die, no, if anyone had it was her. Scarlett almost wished she'd actually died that day he'd saved her, because saving her was almost guaranteed to have been how he had gotten sick. If only she could have slipped away before he had gotten there, if only there hadn't been that warm feeling in the darkness guiding her back. If she would've known his life was the price for hers, she would've stayed good and dead. Unfortunately it was far too late now.

Scarlett wasn't sure how long she sat shivering in the pouring rain, but it didn't matter, it wasn't like Johnny would be coming to look for her. There was nobody left who really cared about her existence anymore. Sure, there was Dixie and Roy, but they were Johnny's friends, not her's. She had nobody now, and the thought stung her to her very core.

In all the time she'd spent in this time period, she'd somehow forgotten to make actual friends. It wasn't surprising really, considering she'd barely ever even talked to anyone besides Johnny. He had been her entire focus, the center of her world, and now he was gone and she was alone. More alone than she'd ever been.

Eyes focused on nothing, Scarlett replayed for the millionth time the exact moment her entire world imploded. From the haunted look in Roy's eyes she'd known immediately something was wrong, but nothing could've prepared her for the bombshell he was about to deliver.

"Johnny died about half an hour ago."

Which was immediately followed up by the usual useless things people say after someone dies - the doctors did everything they could, they're so sorry, etc. Really, it didn't matter at all what Roy or anybody else said, there was nothing anyone could say that could ever take her pain away. Not now. Not ever.

"Hey, are you okay?" A voice from behind Scarlett inquired, bringing her back to the present moment. The present moment which now included the very last person she ever wanted to see.

"I mean, I know you're probably not but...Just know I'm here for you, babe." The voice continued, and suddenly she felt his slimey, sleazy hand on her. He really did have some nerve.

Suddenly it was like the dam had finally broken inside of her, and Scarlett found herself turning on him and aiming punches anywhere she could, specifically the face. In her defense, she did previously warn him.

Scarlett heard him swear as her fist finally connected with his nose, and the satisfaction that washed over her was sweeter than anything she could've imagined.

Unfortunately, he recovered faster than she would've liked and Scarlett cried out as she was roughly slammed against the wall of the building.

"Jesus! What the hell is wrong with you, you crazy broad?!" He yelled, his voice was full of venom and the look in his eyes a clear indication that maybe she'd fucked up. "I think you broke my nose! Fuck! Maybe that's why Johnny dated you, he always did know how to attract crazy!"

"Don't you dare talk to me about him! He was a better man than you could ever hope to be!" Scarlett screamed as she struggled to break free from his hold. Unfortunately he seemed to be a good bit stronger than her.

"You knew him, what, a few months? You have no idea what kind of person he was!" Chet glared at her and she unwillingly shivered under the intensity of it or maybe just because she was freezing, who knows. "I knew him a few years and let me tell you, he wasn't this perfect, do no wrong, white knight you seem to have painted him as."

"I knew him a lot better than you think and I know for a fact Johnny would never have acted anything like you!" Scarlett matched his glare. "You're a disgusting, horrible person."

"You're not so great yourself, babe." Chet smirked, pushing himself closer. "Still, your feistiness is pretty hot, even if you are crazy."

Scarlett struggled harder to break free from the horrible man who held her captive, but it was no use. The only way she'd be able to escape this current horror would be if he willingly let her free, which didn't seem all that likely at the present time.

Involuntarily, she let out a small whimper of fear as his hands ran across her soaked body, touching her everywhere.

"God," He breathed. "Johnny was so lucky. You have an amazing body."

"Stop it! You're being more disgusting than usual! And that's a feat in and of itself."

Unfortunately, Chet looked unperturbed with her comments.

"If you gave me a chance I'm sure you'd love me. C'mon, Gage is dead and he's not coming back. I know it's hard but you need to let him go." Their faces were only inches apart now, his hot breath tickled her cheek. "He'd want you to move on, you know."

Scarlett reflexively turned her head away. "Definitely not with you."

"Don't be that way, babe. You know I'm a good guy and Johnny would want you to be with someone he knew would take care of you." Chet grabbed her chin and turned her head to look at him. "That's why he told Roy to take care of you, but Roy's married. Don't you want more than your dead boyfriend's best friend mother-henning you?"

Scarlett blinked at him, confusion written all over her face. "What are you even talking about?"

"You didn't know?" He asked, a grin slowly forming on his face. "Guess I shouldn't be surprised. They didn't tell you much, did they? Heard about all that too and how Brackett ripped you a new one for wanting to be in the loop."

"So Johnny asked Roy to take care of me?" She smothered down the annoyance at Roy having told Chet everything. Gossip apparently traveled fast.

"Yeah, said before Johnny got sedated he wasn't doing real well." Scarlett could detect a hint of sadness in his voice as he continued. "Roy thinks maybe he knew he'd kick the bucket, but I say he was probably just in pain and not thinking clearly."

Scarlett merely stared at him in silence. There weren't any words good enough to express her pain if Johnny had indeed known he was going to die. Truthfully, there weren't words for the entire situation.

"But hey, we'll never know now, will we?" Chet asked, another grin forming. "So, since I told you what I know, do I get a kiss or something? If you want, I'm sure we could find an empty supply closest somewhere."

He seemed entirely too hopeful. It was disgusting really.

"Not even in your wildest dreams, Chet." Scarlett struggled again but he still didn't seem ready to be a decent person and let her go. "Now let me go!"

"No way, babe. I got you right where I want you and I don't plan on just letting you go. Not until I get something from you at least."

"Maybe you haven't noticed, but I don't exactly like you. In fact, I hope I actually did break your nose because you're such an asshole." She growled, but he disappointedly seemed completely unaffected.

"See, this is why I like you. Crazy but yet so, so feisty. It's such a turn-on." Chet replied, grabbing her face.

Before Scarlett could even process what was happening, his lips collided with hers and instinctively she began to fighthim.

God, this couldn't be happening. Not only did she just lose the love of her life, but now here she was being kissed against her will by the person she hated most. In this moment, as Chet's disgusting lips moved against hers, Scarlett truly wished she were dead.

Out of nowhere, there was a sudden slam of doors, someone yelling, and finally Chet was violently pulled away from her as she collapsed numbly to her knees.

"What the hell, Chet?!" Roy yelled, as he shook the shorter man. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Roy! Calm down! She wanted it, I swear!"

"Like hell she did! You didn't think to stop when she started crying?" Roy snarled.

Wait, she was crying? Scarlett absently reached up to touch her face. She hadn't even realized.

Not knowing if Chet had even replied, Scarlett suddenly witnessed Roy punching him and in several seconds they were both on the ground, each attempting to beat the crap out of the other one.

Dazed, Scarlett could only stare as the chaos unfolded.


	47. Chapter 47

Time seemed to stop as Roy and Chet beat the crap out of each other. Finally, after an undetermined amount of time, the fight ended; the winner clear.

"Might wanna get him a doctor," Chet approached her, nodding towards the fallen man. "Think I went a little overboard."

A low, pathetic moan sounded from the man in question as Scarlett finally began to process the entire situation. She'd gotten Roy beaten up. Oops.

"I'll go easier on him next time," Chet smirked, wiping his bleeding nose with his sleeve and wincing in the process. "I swear. The way he came at me, man, I thought he was tougher than this. What a wimp. Anyway, I'm out."

"Of course, cause some chaos and you bail." Scarlett mumbled more to herself than him.

Pulling herself together, she finally found the strength to stand and slowly moved to where Roy was. Not entirely sure what she should do, she decided to just poke him until she figured it out.

"Roy, hey, you okay?"

"Ughhhh."

"Huh, guess not."

Scarlett quickly pondered what to do. It was obvious Roy needed medical attention but she knew there would be questions. Questions she didn't want to answer. At least Roy wasn't coherent enough to spill everything at the current moment.

Making her decision, she made her way back into the hospital, heading towards Emergency where she knew she'd definitely find someone. Someone besides Brackett, she hoped. Unsurprisingly, the ER seemed in a sort of chaos, and Scarlett saw absolutely nobody around that she knew. Maybe that was a good thing at the moment.

Approaching what looked like a student nurse at the desk, she decided to convey her plight.

"Um, hi," Scarlett said awkwardly to the lady. "So uh, my friend kinda got beat up outside in the courtyard. He didn't even move when I poked him, so I think he's hurt pretty badly."

The student nurse studied her and raised an eyebrow. It seemed pretty obvious to Scarlett that she thought she was crazy, and really, at this point maybe she was.

"Are you hurt too?"

For the first time since the drama had started, Scarlett realized how absolutely horrible she must look and knew that she most likely looked like a homeless nut job. No, a homeless nut job would probably look better right now.

"N-no..." Scarlett shifted awkwardly, trying to ignore the puddle forming on the floor from her soaked clothes. "I'm... good. See, my friend had a... disagreement with someone and got a little messed up."

The nurse eyeballed her carefully once more and finally seemed to be convinced. Maybe.

"Right...I'll just call the head nurse and ask her what I should do."

Scarlett waited in what felt like dread as she most definitely knew who the head nurse was. Someone she didn't exactly want to see at the current moment, and Scarlett also knew, most definitely, who she'd bring with her.

"Tell her it's Roy," Scarlett interrupted the nurse on the phone. Surely Dixie would listen to that. "It's Roy who got beaten up."

Without waiting for a reply, Scarlett took off. Faster than her mind could comprehend her actions, she found herself back in the courtyard. At least Roy was moving now though.

"Are you okay? Where's Chet?" He mumbled rubbing his head, a glazed expression in this eyes. "What was that even about?"

"Chet took off right after," Scarlett replied, purposely ignoring part of his questions. "Listen, Dixie is coming and probably Brackett. Please, don't tell them about what exactly started the fight."

"He sexually assaulted you, I'm not going to let that slide..." Roy weakly replied.

"You don't get it! I already hate myself, I already want to die!" Scarlett yelled at the battered man. "Telling everyone what happened, making Chet pay for it or whatever, none of it is going to change anything!"

Ignoring her tears, she watched his face as he seemed to struggle to comprehend what she'd just said. Whether it was from shock or the probable concussion, she wasn't entirely sure. It didn't even matter at the moment.

"Johnny is dead because of me! And I just got you beat up! I'm such a fuck-up!" Scarlett continued. "I'm sorry."

Scarlett gave Roy one last look before she was moving again. Opening the door back into the hospital, she was slightly alarmed as she collided with something solid.

"Watch where you're going!" A gruff voice exclaimed, instantly filling her with dread.

Of course it was Brackett. Of course it couldn't have been some random orderly. No, that would've been far too lucky and luck was definitely not on her side right now.

"What on Earth...?" Dixie questioned, not at all knowing what was going on. "Scarlett...?"

Pushing past both Dixie and Brackett, Scarlett once again ran without having the slightest clue where she was going. Briefly, she considered hiding in a supply closet but quickly dispelled that idea. Bad things happen in supply closets at hospitals, or at least that's what she'd seen in medical soap operas and those would never lie.

Suddenly Scarlett stopped, as the realization of where she'd ended up hit her. Just as she'd subconsciously ran to the courtyard before, here she was at the ICU. Particularly where Johnny used to be.

The bed was now changed and neatly made, leaving no sign Johnny had ever been there. It merely sat, awaiting its next occupant. Hopefully they fared better than he had. Still, it was an unnerving reminder of the harsh reality that the world simply goes on. Your life may have crumbled to pieces but the world never stops, not even to acknowledge your loss. It just simply goes on.

Running her hand softly across the new linens, Scarlett recalled the last time she'd seen Johnny.

 _Without a sound she made her way to Johnny's bedside, quickly noticing the absence of all the wires and machines that had previously been connected to him. All that was left was simply the man himself, lying eternally motionless. Taking his limp hand in hers, she was slightly surprised to feel there was some warmth to it. Maybe because he'd been running a fever?_

 _"Johnny..." Scarlett whispered, hoping that wherever he was he'd somehow be able to hear her. "I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry."_

 _Taking a steadying breath, she studied his face. The far too pale tone of his skin was a sharp contrast to his dark hair, but even so, he looked peaceful. It was as though he were only merely sleeping. If only that were the case._

 _Making a split second decision, Scarlett clambered into the bed next to him and pulled him close, knowing this would be the very last time she ever held him this way._

 _"I love you, I really really love you. You're my entire world." Wiping at the stray tears, she continued. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, when you could actually remember, and say it back."_

 _"I was scared before, but I'm not now. Except... Except it's too late now." Scarlett wiped at more tears, willing herself to not completely break down yet. She wanted to savor this last moment with him. "I thought we had more time. I wanted a lifetime with you."_

 _Stroking his hair, she continued. "I wanted everything. Marriage, at least 5 kids, maybe a dog, and that damn ranch you wanted to own someday. I wanted it all. I wish I would've told you."_

 _"I don't want to live without you, Johnny. You were my life and I can't do this on my own..."_

 _"Scarlett..." A quiet voice interrupted her confession and she knew exactly who it was. Instead of turning to look, she buried her face into the crook of Johnny's neck, inhaling the scent that was distinctly his own, and trying not to cry. She wasn't ready._

 _"Don't..." She whispered._

 _"I'm sorry, they need to move him..." The voice broke painfully, as though trying not to cry themselves, and Scarlett's heart broke even more._

 _Reluctantly, she tore herself away from Johnny's neck and studied his face one last time, as though trying to memorize every small detail. Then, leaning over, she quietly pressed one last kiss to his lips, shivering at how cold they now were._

 _"I love you so much." She whispered. "I.. I hope you knew how loved you were."_

 _Climbing off the bed, Scarlett locked eyes with Roy, and it didn't escape her notice how red-rimmed they were. It was obvious he'd been crying at some point, but he was clearly trying to hold it together, much like her._

 _"Scarlett..." Roy repeated as she squeezed her eyes shut, in the vain hope that maybe, just maybe she could fight the inevitable breakdown. She needed out of this room, away from Roy, away from everyone._

 _Ignoring him, Scarlett ran from the room, not even noticing that she'd almost plowed down Brackett._

 _She also missed the stricken expression on Roy's face and how Brackett had stopped him from following after her._

 **Author's Note:**

 **Hey! I finally updated again after losing all motivation to write for about a month!**


	48. Chapter 48

Scarlett got interrupted from her thoughts by the slight sound of footsteps. The intruder shortly made themselves known. It was Dixie, her face a clear look of concern for the girl before her.

"Figured I'd find you here. I won't bother asking how you're doing, since it's obvious how anyone would be doing in your position... But you can't keep all this in. Johnny wouldn't want you to suffer like this."

Scarlett just continued to stare at the bed, her thoughts a whirlwind of pain and sorrow. Of wishing she could once again have Johnny back. What difference did it make what Johnny would have wanted. She wasn't allowed to have what she wanted, which was to once again be with him, to kiss him, hold him, and be comforted by him.

"Seriously, Scarlett, it's okay to hurt. Everyone does. It's part of the grieving process, and you aren't alone in feeling hurt. We miss him too. He was like family to us as well. That's why we are here for you. Even Dr. Brackett to a degree, even if you dislike him and he is a bit hard-headed at times." Dixie said, placing a comforting hand on Scarlett's shoulder. One that was instantly flung off as quickly as it was placed, as Scarlett turned, a venomous look in her eyes.

"If he was like family, then you should have saved him. He should have never died," She screamed at Dixie, tears flowing from her eyes. "If he mattered so much, he would still be with me, a member of his true family, the one he loved."

With that, she stormed out of the room, and walked down the hallways, hoping to find somewhere away from everyone and everything. She was so mad at everyone trying to comfort her. There was no comfort to be had in the lose of Johnny, and only trying made it that much more real, and Scarlett wanted it so desperately to not be. On top of that, it felt stupid.

It was just as much their fault Johnny died as the illness. They knew what it was, they should have been able to save him, do anything so that this wouldn't have happened. She needed him after all. Didn't they know this, or was it just that they didn't care? Whatever the case, Johnny's death, in her mind, was just as much their crime and she wanted nothing to do with them.

Deep down, Scarlett knew that she couldn't avoid them forever, regardless of how much she wanted to. As long as she was still a patient in this hospital she'd never be able to avoid them completely and the thought was sickening. At least once all was said and done they'd leave her alone. She'd make them leave her alone.

In the meantime, Scarlett just wanted somewhere to go, somewhere Dixie or Chet or anyone else wouldn't intrude. There wasn't anywhere like that though, unless she wanted to chance a supply closest, and the likelihood of Chet creeping around in one was way too high.

Sighing, Scarlett resentfully admitted that she was defeated. There was nowhere to go that offered the solitude she so desperately wished for. For now she'd just have to try to deal with them.

Several days later not much had changed, except her anger and bitterness towards everyone had only increased. Of course nobody wanted to leave her alone, everyone was too caught up in their own quests to appear saintly, not even bothering to care that she didn't want nor need their so called help. Nothing they said mattered, nothing could ever actually help her, so why even bother?

Scarlett had barely even blinked when Dixie had popped in at some point and began some idle chit-chat about things she didn't really care about. None of it really mattered. Nothing really mattered anymore now that Johnny didn't exist in this world.

As she absently focused on the wall, completely tuning out Dixie's small talk, her thoughts turned to Roy. He'd apparently gotten discharged sometime the day before after having spent some time in the hospital for observation. Word was he was fine, and yet, he hadn't stopped by and visited her once.

Scarlett had to hold back a bitter laugh, of course he wouldn't, everything was her fault. Why would he visit the person who not only killed his best friend, but who also got him beaten up? Roy had every right to hate her, in fact she wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if he now despised her.

As she zoned back in she realized Dixie had finally left and let a sigh of relief escape her. The silence was definitely welcome, it meant Scarlett could concentrate on her dark thoughts without distraction once more.

She wondered if Roy had told anyone about the circumstances surrounding the attack, or if maybe, just maybe, he had listened to her. Of course Dixie had tried to get the information out of her multiple times, but if she actually knew anything then she didn't let on.

Speaking of Dixie, Scarlett knew it was only a matter of time before she doubled or even tripled her efforts to get her to talk to her. Dixie was an incredibly stubborn person, especially when it came to her patients, and she knew the nurse wouldn't continue to be ignored for long. Honestly, Scarlett wondered why she'd let her go this long, not that she minded. Maybe Dixie did understand her grief?

No, that was a silly thought. Nobody could ever understand what she was going through. Nobody could ever understand the full magnitude of what she'd lost. Nobody.

Closing her eyes, Scarlett wondered if she'd ever be able to sleep properly again. Despite her almost overwhelming desire to sleep, to just escape from her horrible life for awhile, she found the insomnia had pretty much forbidden it. Sure, every now and then she'd doze off, just for a little bit, but everytime she'd startle awake. It was as if some cruel joke was being played on her.

Truthfully, in a way it was. The universe had, somehow, led her back in time to meet Johnny and experience true happiness for the first time. Only to rip it all away as fast as it came. It wasn't fair, none of this was fair.

Reluctantly, Scarlett let her thoughts turn to the one thing she'd been trying to avoid thinking about : the life that was growing inside of her. It was arguably the cruelest thing of all, to leave her alone to try and raise a child on her own when she could barely even take care of herself. Brackett had been right, of course, when he'd yelled at her about not being fit to be a mother. She'd tried to deny it to herself, pretend that maybe she could be a better person for this child, but no, she would undoubtedly screw this up.

Regardless, she wanted this baby more than anything. It was the last piece of Johnny and the physical embodiment of the love they had shared. It was so unfair. Johnny would've made a great dad and yet he would never get to experience that. Because she killed him.

Burying herself under her blankets, Scarlett let the full force of her grief overcome her. Why did things have to go so wrong?


	49. Chapter 49

It was a slight pain, but a constant one. A reminder that she needed to eat. Under normal circumstances, Scarlett would continue to ignore it. What was the point of food, of sustaining her body, if Johnny was gone. But given the child, she would have to force herself to eat.

Crawling out begrudgingly from her safety of the blankets, her barriers from the outside world, the Johnny-less world, she got up and left the room. She wished she could just make food magically appear, rather than risk running into someone while she headed to the cafeteria to get food. But she had no choice, as much as she wanted to, she couldn't risk the baby's development.

Thankfully, it seemed most the hallways were empty, as she didn't run into anyone, nearing the cafeteria. That's when she heard the voices of the people already there. It was Dixie's voice she heard first.

"I'm worried about Scarlett, Roy. She has been completely unresponsive to everyone since I last spoke to her, and avoids me in particular like the plague. Think there's anything you can do? Johnny was your best friend after all and know you both could lean on one another at the moment."

Scarlett peeked around the corner to see Dixie eating a meal with Roy, who while better, looked haggard as if he hadn't been sleeping well lately. Dark bags hung under his eyes, and he looked like he had seen better days.

"She's not my problem, Dix." Roy said, staring into his coffee. "She's not my problem but Johnny made her my problem. He loved her, he really did, but passing on babysitting duty to me isn't fair. I can't grieve. I can't...I can't do anything because I have to constantly babysit her. I have my own family, my own life, I can't keep doing this but Scarlett can't stay out of trouble for five seconds."

"Roy, you know she's dealing with a lot..."

"And? She isn't the only one! I knew Johnny a hell of a lot longer than she ever did. All Scarlett has done since Johnny died is be ungrateful towards everyone looking out for her, and treating her life like it's not important. All the while forgetting that there might be people who have it just as bad as she does. It's selfish and childish and Johnny would be ashamed of it. I can't do this anymore. I got enough stuff on my mind than to babysit a grown woman." Roy angrily replied, forcefully stabbing a fork into whatever it was he was eating.

"I understand the way you feel, Roy, but... "

Scarlett didn't wait to hear what Dixie responded with, proceeding to storm down the hallways away from the cafeteria. She couldn't believe what she heard, the stuff Roy said about her, the same person who kept Johnny's treatment from her, who lied by omission to her. What did he know? What did any of them know? They had no idea the ways she felt. They never could.

Still, the conversation continued.

"I understand the way you feel, Roy, but we're all hurting. It's never easy losing someone who meant so much to you. Especially Johnny..." Dixie's voice faltered but she continued. "Everyone grieves differently, and Scarlett's way of grieving is to lash out and push away from everyone. It might not be the healthiest way but that's all she knows to do and she's not wrong for it. She needs us now, more than ever, and it doesn't mean we have to babysit her. It just means we have to be there for her, to listen if she ever wants to talk."

Roy kept his eyes on his food, as if maybe the answer to his life's problems would be in the plate of whatever the hell the monstrosity on his plate was. Finally, after a moment he sighed, his shoulders slumped in either defeat or exhaustion.

"I know, Dix, sorry for blowing up on you. I'm just exhausted and overwhelmed and I miss my family. I've been spending so much time here that I've barely seen them." Roy let his fork drop onto the plate silently, clearly over eating whatever he'd been attempting to. "Losing Johnny... It caught me off guard. He's always had his share of injuries but he'd always scrape by and I never thought..."

"None of us thought he'd pass, Roy. I was always certain he had nine lives," Dixie chuckled but her voice turned serious again. "Even Kel has been beating himself up over it. He thinks he made a bad call on not pulling Johnny off duty as soon as he suspected he was sick."

"Johnny always did downplay everything though. If Brackett didn't think it nessesary to pull him off duty at the time then I trust his judgment."

"I do too," Dixie smiled softly. "Problem is he doesn't trust his own. That's why he's been so hard on Scarlett, too. It drives him nuts that she's so adamant about not listening to him, although I've helped some in that regard."

"Point is," Dixie said, rising to her feet. "We all need each other right now. Nobody should ever feel like they're alone in their pain. Now, go spend time with your family. They miss you."

"You're right as always, Dix," Roy smiled sheepishly. "Sorry again about what I said."


	50. Chapter 50

It was easy to lose track of time. When lost in anger, grief... Scarlett couldn't remember how long it had been since she stormed off from overhearing Roy and Dixie, and yet she still felt just as mad as she had when it happened. To say she felt betrayed would be a lie, Roy had already made her feel that way once, and just led to the feelings she had now, her feelings of loss.

Roy had betrayed her when he hid Johnny's treatment from her. He betrayed her when he didn't trust her to be a part of it, a true part of it. Yeah, she wasn't a trained medical professional, like them, but she had one thing they didn't, knowledge from the future, and that's why that was a betrayal, because maybe, just maybe, something she saw on one of the millions of hospital shows she was enamored with might have helped. There must have been something Meredith, or House would have given her that they wouldn't have ever imagined.

So this... this wasn't betrayal, but it also wasn't something she would take lightly. No, Roy was not her friend, and she would make it clear that he wasn't. In her mind, he might as well be Johnny's murderer at this point, so much hatred she held for him, hatred she would let him know clearly of.

As much as Scarlett had been beating herself up over getting Roy beaten up, well, maybe he actually deserved it. After all, it wasn't like she'd forced him to come rushing to her defense. To babysit.

Scarlett was almost surprised at the anger she felt towards Johnny himself. How dare he assume she couldn't watch after herself. Sure, she hadn't been doing a good job of it recently but she knew she could. Moreover, she was angry at him for _dying_.

This is not how things were supposed to be. Johnny was supposed to get well, they were supposed to get married, raise the baby, have the perfect life they'd always envisioned for themselves. He wasn't supposed to stop fighting. He wasn't supposed to let go. But he had.

It was irrational, sure, but Johnny's passing felt like the biggest betrayal. He'd survived worse things, like the rattlesnake bite, monkey virus, being hit by the car... So why couldn't he survive something so simple as a case of pneumonia? Logically, she knew it wasn't all that simple, but the fact remained he'd survived much worse things. It just wasn't fair.

Stifling a sob, Scarlett realized she wanted to go home. Except she no longer knew where that was. She'd happily made this time period her home without hesitation or much question, but was it really? There was nothing left here for her, so why stay?

Not that there was much in the future for her either, except maybe familiarity. Trouble was, she had no idea how to get back there or even how or why she'd ended up here to begin with and she wasn't sure she'd ever find out.

If Scarlett were being completely honest, the sole reason she hadn't at least attempted suicide at this point was because of the baby. She was in a hospital after all, how hard could it be to find a stray scalpel to do herself in with, or even just throw herself off the roof? As much as she hated herself and what her life had become, she couldn't bear to take that innocent life with her. The innocent life that was half Johnny and the last real piece of him she had. It was yet another reason to be angry with him.

Still, the dark thoughts continued to plague her regardless and what was worse was that she knew, without a doubt, that she had not a single person who she could talk to about any of it. Nobody understood her, and in all honesty, she wasn't entirely certain Johnny would have either.

There was a limit, a certain boundary you should never cross when opening up to people, and telling someone you truly want to die? That blew the limit into orbit. There was no way anything good could ever come from admitting that. Sure, she'd accidentally blurted it out to Roy in the heat of the moment, but he had also been concussed, and she really doubted if he'd remember nor think too deeply about it. Especially now.

Scarlett was rudely brought back to reality as she heard the door click open and she intentionally avoided turning to look. Not that she even needed to, there was only one person who'd been visiting her lately.

"Hey Scarlett, how are you?" Dixie asked, as if maybe she thought she'd get a reply this time. Scarlett had to admit she admired her persistence, even if it did annoy her.

"I'd like to talk with you, if that's alright." Dixie continued on, as if the silence didn't bother her one bit. "Scarlett, I know you're hurting. I know the loss of Johnny is insurmountable and I know nothing I can say to you could ever begin to make that less so. I just want you to know you're not alone. We're all here for you, whether you believe it or not. You just have to let us in."

Scarlett scoffed before giving Dixie an incredulous glare.

"All here for me. Yeah, I'm sure. That's why I overhear Roy complaining about how shitty a person I am, huh? How I'm being such a child."

Dixie looked surprised, not having expected Scarlett to overhear that conversation.

"Now, Scarlett..."

"No!" Scarlett yelled, "Don't just 'now, Scarlett' me! Roy made his opinions quite clear to me, as did you when you told him you understood his feelings. I'm sick of all of it. I want nothing to do with you, I want nothing to do with Roy, I want nothing to do with any of you. It's obvious to me none of you care. Stop trying to pretend you do, all the while talking about what a horrible person I am when my back is turned!"

Dixie opened her mouth, a glimpse of hurt and sadness in her eyes, clearly shocked at Scarlett's sudden outburst.

"Scarlett, we don't hate you. How could we?" Dixie replied, gently. "You're such a loyal and loving young woman. Johnny knew that, too. He knew from the second he met you, we all did. What you overheard? That was Roy just letting everything get to him. He's had just as hard of a time coming to terms with everything as we all have. He didn't mean anything by it."

"No, he did. You might not see it, but I do. He resents me and he resents Johnny asking him to babysit me."

"He resents you so much that he asked me to give this to you." Dixie said, reaching into her pocket and holding something out for her. "This was Johnny's. Roy thought you'd want to have it."

Silently Scarlett accepted it, studying it in her hand even though she knew exactly what the tiny metal object was. It had been Johnny's paramedic name tag, only why was Roy giving it to her? She couldn't help but think this was an attempt at easing his own guilt. Still, it was a kind gesture and she couldn't pretend that it didn't mean anything to her.

"Tell him I said thanks."

"Tell him yourself. He's coming by later to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to him. This doesn't make us suddenly okay, and I still don't want anything to do with him." Scarlett seethed. "Some goes for you too. I don't even know why I'm talking to you."

"Scarlett, you need to talk to him. You can't let this one misunderstanding ruin your friendship with him. And with me."

Scarlett couldn't help the bitter laugh that left her mouth. Friends? Dixie was hilarious.

"No, none of us were ever friends. You were Johnny's friends and you only ever put up with me for his sake. He's gone, you can stop pretending now."

Dixie sighed, knowing that Scarlett still wasn't ready to listen. To accept help. Even if everyone was willing to offer.

"Well, if you ever need me, Scarlett, whatever your thoughts, I'm your friend, and not just because of Johnny... But I guess for now, I'll leave it for today. Roy will be around later to talk to you. He has some..." She paused, as if deciding whether to say it or not, only to apparently decide she should. "... some funeral things to bring up."

With that, she left, leaving Scarlett to the solitude that she was glad to finally have back.


	51. Chapter 51

It was easily one of the worst days of Scarlett's life.

It was a nice day, by all means. The sun seemed to shine extra brightly today, something that Scarlett would have paid little attention to normally. Today, however, she couldn't help but notice it, mostly because it just seemed wrong, inconsiderate almost. How could it possibly dare to shine today of all days? How could it dare to shine when the light of Johnny Gage had been extinguished?

Letting a small sigh escape her, Scarlett let her head rest against the cool glass of the passenger side of the car she had been badgered into. The driver in question had gotten her way as seemed the typical outcome of these things, much to Scarlett's annoyance. Said driver had also been annoyingly right about Roy coming to visit last night.

He'd shown up not much longer after Dixie had finally left, and had been just as unbearable to listen to as Scarlett figured he'd be. Unsurprisingly, Roy and Johnny's shift mates had already handled funeral arrangements, of course leaving her out of everything. Not that it mattered, she supposed. What was one more thing to be left out of?

Even so, the anger she held for Roy had threatened to overcome her the longer he talked. Scarlett knew she was close to finally snapping when Roy had decided to leave and she wondered if maybe he knew it too.

Now, here she was, stuck with yet another person she didn't exactly care for, heading into one of the worst days of her life. Where she would, undoubtedly, encounter more people she didn't exactly care for, all while mourning the loss of the one person she did actually like. Like was a major understatement, but regardless, she didn't want to face this day. She didn't want to face it at all.

Finally arriving at the desired location, the funeral home, Scarlett tried to mentally prepare herself for all that was to come. Under no circumstance did she want to cry here or at the actual funeral, no matter how horribly painful this was to deal with. Last thing she wanted was to have Dixie or even Roy think it was their place to have to comfort her nor did she want their comfort.

As they entered, it was quickly apparent how treasured and loved Johnny was by his friends and fellow firefighters. Tons of people she'd never seen before stood around in fancy uniforms, which Scarlett assumed were their dress uniforms, having never actually seen Johnny in them himself. Without intentionally looking for him, she spotted Roy next to the head of the casket talking to some people. Of course he'd be there, of course he'd essentially be acting as though he was Johnny's family. It wasn't surprising, but still she felt the flames of jealousy and pure, raw, anger well up inside of her.

Even so, as much as Scarlett hated Roy, she knew there was nothing she could do. It was obvious that Roy, nor anyone else, considered her to be part of Johnny's family. No, his family, his true family, were every single one of the many firefighters lingering around to say their goodbyes to a fallen brother. She was just the poor unfortunate girlfriend. Thus completely unimportant since they hadn't been married.

It was a weird concept to grasp because she certainly felt widowed, though not technically being married to him. However, legally she was nothing to him, and she wasn't sure what hurt the most about that.

Finding herself being silently guided by Dixie over to the casket, Scarlett suddenly realized they'd been standing in the line, slowly moving towards the open casket... And Roy.

"Hey Dix," Roy greeted them. "Scarlett."

Scarlett simply ignored his greeting as she approached the casket, the casket which now held all of her dead hopes and dreams, and peered in. Inside, dressed in the same dress uniforms all the other firefighters sported, lay the waxy looking figure of Johnny. Scarlett had been to wakes, and funerals, before but seeing him now was something that she was still completely unprepared for.

By all accounts, Johnny looked wholly peaceful. His eyes were shut in death, his arms folded neatly across his chest, and if you squinted just enough you'd believe he was just sleeping. The squinting part was important, otherwise the odd unnatural look of his appearance would surely give away how much this wasn't sleep.

Reaching out, she stroked his cold cheek, before moving to run her fingers through his thick dark hair. There was something almost comforting about it as his hair still felt relatively the same, unlike everything else.

"Johnny, I -," Scarlett murmured to his still form, knowing this was truly the last time she'd ever see him, or rather his body. "I love you... And I won't say goodbye to you."

"I - I can't... I can't bear that.. I - God, Johnny, this isn't how this was supposed to be. You're not supposed to be gone. We were supposed to get married, be together forever, raise our baby... You're supposed to be here and this... This is so wrong."

"Also, your hair is brushed." Scarlett let herself giggle, wiping away the few tears that had dared to escape. "You'd hate that."

"But like I said," She quickly glanced over to Dixie and Roy, who had moved back a bit to give her space, before returning her attention to Johnny. "I won't say goodbye to you, I refuse to do that. We'll meet again someday, Johnny and... I hope you rest peacefully. You deserve it. Life is hell."

Next was the service and Scarlett largely tuned it out, all the words just flowing together in her mind. It wasn't until the Fire Chief, Roy, their captain, and even Doctor Brackett had been allowed to speak that she tuned back in. One by one, firefighter after firefighter, she listened sadly as each one spoke.

At one point, she wanted to stand as well, but Dixie grabbed her arm, silently shaking her head. Of course she wouldn't be allowed to speak, why would she be? Feeling the familiar flames of anger consuming her, she shot a glare at Roy, who was seated in the front of the center section of seats. If anything was completely fucked up, it was this.

However, Scarlett didn't have much time to dwell on it as it was now time for the procession and subsequent burial. Quietly, she watched as Roy and the rest of Johnny's shift mates, Chet included, hauled the now closed casket to the Engine. Never having been to a firefighter funeral before, this surprised her, but also made her heart hurt worse than it already had been.

It was Johnny's last ride and she was in no way prepared for it.


	52. Chapter 52

The burial passed in a dizzying blur, and before Scarlett knew it she was being hauled to some kind of memorial party to celebrate Johnny's life. Yet again, she had absolutely no say in this decision but that seemed to be her life now. She never had a choice in anything that directly affected her anymore.

Numbly, Scarlett watched as some of Johnny's friends and fellow firefighters stood around in Roy's backyard, and on his deck, no doubt conversing about Johnny and some of his sillier exploits. At least that's what she assumed from the way they were all laughing it up. It was absurd the way they could still somehow be happy after everything. How could they, when Johnny was now six feet under? It made no sense in her mind.

Thankful that Dixie had been distracted from her obvious duty of "babysitting" her by a firefighter Scarlett didn't know, she pushed through the crowd of people, attempting to locate a place where she could be alone. Just as before, there were tons of people she didn't know milling about and she wanted nothing to do with any of them. Finally spotting a tree at the far end of the yard where nobody was yet, Scarlett moved quickly to it, feeling for the first time today a little peace.

Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be as she heard someone approach her.

"Hey," Roy said, coming up beside her. "How are you doing? I know today has been hard on you."

Scarlett glared at Roy, upset that he of all people had decided to harass her. The person that was the cause of all her feelings of being left out. The cause of why she was even here when all she wanted was to have Johnny back, not attend some gathering of people she didn't know or care for at Roy's house.

"Why don't you just decide how I feel for me, Roy," She responded, venomously, her eyes glaring into him. If looks could kill, hers would have cut Roy down. "You seem just fine deciding everything else. So why pretend you care about my thoughts and feelings now."

Roy's face darkened from her response. He had wanted to try and patch things up, but her response just seemed to instantly piss him off. Plus, it didn't help that it was the day of the funeral, today had been hard for him too.

"It's not my fault I was listed as Johnny's power of attorney still, I'm just doing what I've had to do. Which is more than could be said for you. Honestly, it's probably a good thing I was his power of attorney, or nothing would have gotten done with how you've been going around moping all the time. Grow up, Scarlett. You're about to be a mom, and the way you're acting, you're already setting yourself up to do a bad job of it. He was my friend, you know, and that's my friend's child you are carrying, so stop acting like a child."

"A child? Even if I was acting like a child, which I'm not, I'd only be acting how you and everyone else here treat me. You all seem to think I'm incapable of doing anything unless one of you are around. As if I need to have my hand held just to do anything. Yeah, I'm moping. Yeah, I'm depressed. The man I loved is dead, the father of my child is dead, and you let him die. Your friend. All the while keeping me out of it and claiming you knew better than me, not knowing what I may or may not know. Your ignorance stole Johnny from me, and I hate you for it. So, get the fuck away from me, Roy, I want nothing to do with you."

By now, the entire group of people had noticed the argument, and were already staring at the pair. Scarlett and Roy had yelled during some of their fight and attracted the attention of everyone there. Still fuming, Roy took a deep breath, before finally, in a cold and angry voice, he finally responded.

"Get the fuck out of here then. Get off my property."

With that, he stormed away, leaving Scarlett alone, something that quickly changed as Dixie soon appeared to lead her away.

Author's note: Haven't made an author's note for a bit, but I'd just like to thank my readers for sticking with me. Your reviews are what keep me going and I'm forever grateful for your support.


	53. Chapter 53

"What just happened?" Dixie questioned, getting no reply from the moody girl. "Scarlett?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," Scarlett tightly replied, moving quickly in her anticipation of doing exactly what Roy said. She just wished she could do more than just leave his property. Leaving this entire nightmare would be far more preferable. "I wanna go home."

Wherever that was.

"No," Dixie stated firmly. "Tell me what happened."

"We just had a little disagreement."

"I think 'disagreement' is an understatement," Dixie said. "I've never seen Roy so angry before."

"Like I said, I don't wanna talk about it. Roy has his opinions and I have mine. It's fine," Scarlett replied, wishing Dixie would just drop it. Regardless, she knew the nurse would eventually find out what happened anyway. Either through Roy or the grapevine of onlookers they had accidentally attracted during the argument. "Ask Roy about it. I'm sure he'd be happy to tell you all about it."

"This is about what you overheard that day, isn't it?" Dixie pressed on. She wasn't going to let this go easily. "Oh, Scarlett, I told you he didn't mean-"

"No! That's not what this is about," By this point they were standing on the sidewalk, safely out of view from everyone and Scarlett really didn't care about raising her voice. "This is about everything else. This is about what he did to me, what he did to Johnny. Roy made every decision when it came to Johnny, every damn one, and I can't... I can't let that go."

Scarlett stiffened as she realized she'd inadvertently told Dixie everything. She had a way of doing that to people...

"Johnny had Roy down as his power of attorney, he had no choice - "

"Yeah, that's what he said too," She let a bitter laugh escape her. "But the thing is, you're both wrong. He had a choice. How hard was it to just ask me what my opinion was? Or to, I don't know, let me speak at the wake. But no, he never once cared to ask me what I thought, now Johnny's dead and - "

"You can't blame Roy for Johnny's death, he did all he could. We all did," Dixie cut in. "Johnny's death, as unfortunate as it is, was nobody's fault. Don't do this to yourself or to Roy."

Dixie didn't get it. Of course she didn't, she was Roy's friend, but Scarlett didn't want to argue her point with the older woman.

"Like I said, I want to go home," Scarlett stated. Under no circumstances did she want to continue this pointless conversation with Dixie.

Dixie sighed. "I think it'd be better if you stayed with me tonight."

"No! You're not going to tell me what to do, too. You and Roy aren't my parents, I don't need to be constantly watched over, or 'babysat', as Roy put it. Despite what you might think of me, I'm not a child and I can take care of myself!"

"I'm not telling you what to do," Dixie calmly replied. "After all that's happened, I just think it'd be better if you weren't alone tonight."

"I'll be fine. I just wanna go home." Scarlett could read the hesitancy on her face, it was clear as day. "You know what, I'll just walk. If you won't take me home, I'll take myself."

"You'll do no such thing!" Dixie said firmly. "I'll take you home. If you promise to call me tomorrow morning and let me know you're alright."

"Sure," Scarlett rolled her eyes at the woman. She was still acting like her mother, but she knew she had to at least pretend to comply with her wishes. "I promise."

It wasn't long before Scarlett approached the front door of the home she'd shared with Johnny. She nervously reached for the doorknob, and finding it unlocked, pulled it open and nervously stepped inside. It'd been awhile, about when she had gotten sick and almost died, since she'd been here.

Feeling butterflies dancing in her stomach, Scarlett quickly shut the door behind her and reached for the light switch. Then the thought hit her: she was here and he wasn't. He never would be again.

Feeling the breakdown she'd been holding in for so long finally rising to the surface, Scarlett made her way to the living room, intent on sprawling out on the couch and never moving again. Of course the bed upstairs, their bed, was the better option but she couldn't bear to face the empty bed right now. Or maybe ever again.

What Scarlett saw next surprised her. There, on the floor next to the overturned coffee table, were the remains of a shattered lamp, and what appeared to be the contents of the aforementioned coffee table. Feeling her heart race, she pondered what could've possibly happened. The thought of someone breaking in while the house had been unoccupied crossed her mind, but there were no other evidence of such a thing having occurred.

Scarlett sighed. It had to have been Johnny. Except he was always very clean and kept the house almost emaculate, but he'd been here the night before his accident...

Oh. Oh no. That was it. The night before his accident was was when they'd had that fight over getting married.

Now it made sense. He'd seemingly been so upset that he'd came home and smashed up some stuff, but that still didn't make sense. She couldn't imagine him being the type to smash things in anger. Except the mess in front of her remained, the proof that he had indeed done so.

Avoiding the broken glass of the lamp, Scarlett fell heavily onto the couch, no longer able to control her tears. Finally, she allowed herself to cry, to fully breakdown, after days of trying to hold herself together around everyone else.

Several minutes passed as the overwhelming emotions pooled out of her, until finally, against her own desires, she forced herself to pick up the shattered remains of the lamp.

She didn't care about the mess, not really, nor did she have the motivation, but Johnny wouldn't want it left there... And even if he was gone, it felt wrong for the shattered remains to stay where they were. As she picked up piece after piece, a part of her wanted to use some of the sharper ones to cut herself, to end her life. But she couldn't. Even if it allowed her to be with Johnny again, she couldn't just drag her child with her.

Eventually, all the immediate pieces in a pile, she decided to look under the couch for any stray pieces, only to find a small balled up paper. Grabbing it and carefully unbundling it to see what it was, she found something that made more tears fall from her eyes: a letter Johnny must have written and bundled in anger, only to throw it and it get lost under the couch. It was a letter she assumed he had written probably before their fight, but after she got sick, given the material in it, probably to go alongside his proposal, and detailed how he had always been in flings and never anything serious, always expecting never to have the change to settle down. That is until he met her. That she was a light to him, and made everything mean something, and he wanted to spend the rest of his days with her. That he wanted her to get better so they could become a family and live to grow old with one another.

Yet it would never happen now. Johnny was gone.


	54. Chapter 54

Scarlett really didn't like hospitals. No, that was an understatement, she loathed them. Straight, deep to the core loathed them. Truly, they hadn't ever been high on her list of favorite places, but now? Now, it was like entering into the physical embodiment of hell to even set foot inside one, even though months had passed.

Months. It had been months since Johnny had passed, since the funeral, since the fight with Roy. Months since Scarlett's life had been shattered into pieces. It never got any easier, not really.

Stuffing her hands into the pockets of her hoodie, Scarlett made her way through the ER to where she guessed Dixie would be. It hadn't been long before they'd made up, the woman seemed to always find a way to appear and always seemed to know everything, and Scarlett could only hold a grudge for so long. They weren't the best of friends by any means, but even so, the older woman gave her a kind shoulder to cry on. Something she'd definitely appreciated.

Sure enough, Scarlett wasn't surprised to see Dixie sat at the nurse's desk, scribbling in charts. Was that what those were? She wasn't sure, but regardless, the frown she wore indicated she most definitely wasn't having a good time with it.

"Hey Dix," Scarlett said, internally hoping that she wasn't interupting. "What's up?"

The nurse stopped writing and looked up, the frown slowly pulling up into a smile that suited the woman a lot better.

"Hey yourself," She replied, placing her pen down with a sigh. "Been a busy day so far but I'm not going to bore you with the details. But how are you? You had an appointment today, didn't you? How'd that go?"

"Alright, I guess. Just normal stuff, I assume, for the pregnancy," Scarlett replied, though truth be told, she hadn't really been paying attention. Nor was she too in the know on what was normal either. ER stuff sure, given her love of Grey's, and House, and all back in her time, but the casual stuff... That was all kinda boring.

"I see. Well, least that's going alright. Even if I hear there's nothing progressing between you and Roy," Dixie responded, even though she knew it was still a sore subject for Scarlett. The two had stayed as far away from each other as humanly possible since the funeral, and it made Dixie sad. Especially since she knew Johnny would have loved to see Roy involved and even made godfather of the child if Johnny was still alive.

Scarlett didn't reply to Dixie's comment, just looking away, not wishing to say something she would regret by offending Dixie, who she knew was still friends with Roy. Thankfully, Dixie understood the silence, and cleared her throat.

"Well, I better get back to my paperwork, as much as I rather not, so I'll let you go. Don't be a stranger though, dear, " Dixie said with a final smile before allowing Scarlett to leave.

After leaving the hospital, Scarlett went to the cemetery where they had placed Johnny. It was somewhere she had spent time frequently over the months, almost as much as their, now her, house. After all, it was where her heart lay.

Approaching the headstone that was Johnny's, she just looked down at it, sadly. Normally she might cry, but months had passed, and she had run out of tears. Now all that remained was the heart wrenching longing to have Johnny back, and the unbearable sadness of him being gone.

"Johnny... I wish you were here. I can't do this without you. I can't keep trying to live a life with you not in it," She said, for what seemed the hundredth time, and she meant it. She was crumbling over the pain of him not being in her arms. "I just want you back and would do anything for you to be back."

Laying on the ground on his grave, she imagined that she could just sink into the earth, and be taken away to wherever he was, to be reunited in her arms... Or even that he would pop out of the grave, zombified by some type of unearthly magic, and return to her. Anything that could bring him back, or give her to him. Anything, and at any cost.

But there was nothing. She was stuck on this worthless planet, miserable and alone, with people who cared only out of friendship to Johnny, or who didn't at all and treated her like a child. She was sick of it, and all it did was make her miss him that much more. After all, he would understand. He always understood.

But he wasn't here. She was all alone, and she was growing tired of it. Sickened by everything as long as Johnny wasn't around, sickened by everyone for not being Johnny. It didn't matter. None of it mattered. Because Johnny was gone, and she couldn't live without him. She didn't want to live without him. None of it mattered. None of it would ever matter.

Standing, not even bothering to wipe the dirt from her clothes, she once again stared down at the headstone. They hadn't even been given the opportunity to marry. When she died, it wouldn't even be Johnny's surname on her own headstone. Something so simple, and something she wouldn't even be alive for since she would have to be gone, but something that mattered so much, as it was proof of the life she would have had with Johnny, now but a memory and destroyed hope.

After a final long look at the grave, Scarlett decided to return to their home, probably to just lay in bed and hope that she could suddenly stop living, though that alone had never seemed to work very well. Who knew though, maybe today would be different, though she doubted it. She would just end up falling asleep only to wake up to another boring miserable day without Johnny.


	55. Chapter 55

As the tones sounded, Roy was awake and moving before his mind had even a chance to catch up. It was only as he was reaching for the door handle of the squad that his mind finally clicked back on and the full weight of what the dispatcher had actually said hit him. Hesitating for just a moment, he felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to face the concerned face of his captain. Clearly he had noticed the minor hesitation.

"That's Joh-...Scarlett's house, isn't it?" Captain Stanley asked, concern evident in his voice.

Roy could only nod, not able to meet his superior's eyes. He had a bad feeling about this.

"Are you okay...?" Stanley continued to question, obviously asking if he was okay to work this call. Not that he had any choice, regardless.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He quickly reassured Cap, but mostly himself. He was not okay. He was so far from okay that the last time he'd felt this way was when Johnny had died.

Although the exchange had taken but a moment, it'd felt like an eternity as Roy climbed into his spot in the driver's seat and started the squad. Ignoring the curious look from his new partner, they sped out of the station and into the night, the Engine following close behind.

Instinctively, Roy followed the familiar roads, the roads that had took him to Johnny's home many times. A knot settled deep in his stomach and refused to leave. He hadn't even tried to see Scarlett or make amends since their fight at the memorial service after Johnny had been put to rest.

Sure, he'd occasionally chatted with Dixie about Scarlett's pregnancy and general health, but he felt he was doing the right thing by staying out of her way and not forcing her into a conversation she obviously didn't want. Besides, at some point Dixie and Scarlett had gotten back on friendly terms so Roy didn't figure she needed him anyway.

Now as he pulled up in front of what used to be Johnny's house, suddenly consumed by the very beast Johnny had devoted his life to fighting, he found himself swallowing down the regret of what he hadn't bothered to do. Roy silently hoped that he would find Scarlett alive and maybe he'd finally be able to make a long-awaited apology, at the very least.

As if on autopilot, his experience and training kicked in as he quickly jumped out of the squad and went to retrieve his SCBA. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched his partner. It wasn't hard to notice how concerned and confused he was about the situation and Roy wondered how much, if any, of the exchange with Cap he'd heard. Virtually everyone in the department had known, or at least heard of, Johnny and his subsequent death so it wasn't hard to imagine that his partner had connected the metaphorical dots on that one.

Walking towards Captain Stanley, Roy heard him telling Chet and Marco to get an inch and half, which was predictably, what they were already in the process of doing. Cap always just got a bit of comfort by saying it anyway, Roy surmised.

"Roy, would Johnny's girlfriend be in there?" Stanley redirected his attention.

"Yeah." Roy found himself instantly saying. "Yeah, she probably is."

"Alright." Cap replied. "Roy, James, you both go and look for her. We'll do all we can out here."

Quickly glancing at James, Roy knew that if his partner hadn't connected the dots before, there was no way he couldn't have now. Although a bit inexperienced as a paramedic, James wasn't dumb. Roy just hoped he wouldn't end up having to babysit or otherwise take up the slack if he couldn't handle this. Now definitely wasn't the time for it.

As they hurried into the burning inferno of what used to be Johnny's home, Roy was overcome with sudden sadness he immediately had to stifle down. He'd been in here countless times, often just bullshitting with Johnny. Now it was going to be a total loss - it didn't take a skilled firefighter to know that much.

"James, check upstairs," Roy instructed. "Master bedroom and bathroom are up there. I'll check down here."

With a nod, he watched as his partner ascended the stairs, and silently prayed that they'd find Scarlett alive.


	56. Chapter 56

Roy took a deep breath and slowly let it out. The rational side of his mind chastised him for not accompanying James upstairs. He knew he was doing nobody any good by just standing around but he couldn't make his feet move, the reality of the situation overwhelming him.

Roy knew he'd messed up, in every sense of the word. Johnny had asked him to take care of Scarlett, to watch out for her, and he purposely hadn't. He'd not only failed Scarlett but Johnny too, multiple times. What kind of friend was he?

"Got her," James' voice suddenly broke Roy's reverie as he descended the stairs. "Upstairs is a real mess, don't recommend going up there again."

"We won't need to," Roy said simply. "Come on, we need get her out of here."

As they exited the inferno and made their way out into the cool night air, Roy barely noticed his other crew mates battling away at the savage beast that continued to devour the house. His only focus right now was to ensure that Scarlett survived this night, maybe then he could begin to make things right between them. He didn't care if he had to beg for her forgiveness, he knew he screwed up. He just needed her to survive to be able to do that.

Seeing James place Scarlett onto the yellow blanket that had been placed onto the ground, Roy was relieved that someone, likely Captain Stanley or Mike, had the foresight to do that along with getting their equipment set up for them. James was already in action, placing her on oxygen and moving swiftly on to getting her vitals. Seeing James handling that, Roy moved to biophone.

"Rampart, this is County 51. How do you read?" He waited.

"Roy," James said urgently. "She just went into cardiac arrest."

Damn it all to hell.

"Go ahead, 51." Came the voice of Doctor Brackett over the line.

"Rampart, we have a female, approximately 24 years of age," Roy spoke, watching his partner do CPR out of the corner of his eye. This nightmare never ended. "Currently in full cardiac arrest due to severe smoke inhalation. Also, Rampart, victim is approximately 7 months pregnant."

Roy waited for the response that he knew would come, however before it did, James beat Brackett to it.

"Roy, I need your help over here now." He said, leaving Roy to quickly leave acknowledgment on the biophone that he had to be pulled away to assist.

He then proceeded to help James, who apparently had managed to get a faint heartbeat on his own. It wasn't much, but it would be enough to allow them to begin the means of transporting Scarlett as soon as possible.

"Can I do anything to help?" A voice asked, Roy looking over to see Chet, his face reading that he too felt guilty at the moment for his actions towards Scarlett. It pissed him off to be honest, and while part of that may have been imposed guilt from himself he placed on Chet, he couldn't stand to see the man at the moment.

"You've done more than enough already, Chet. Worry about the damn fire." He growled, moving back to his task.

James looked over at Chet, and shook his head, before finally turning to Roy. While he was shocked to hear Roy talk like that to anyone, there were more pressing matters to attend to.

"She's as stable as we're going to get her," James said, looking to see that the ambulance had arrived unnoticed at some point during the chaos. "Let's go before that changes."

Roy nodded, as the two once again moved Scarlett, as Chet dejectedly wandered back to assist with the fire, his guilt eating at him for how he treated Scarlett and the outcome since.

Before too long, as the rest of the firefighters finally managed to douse the fire, Scarlett's barely hanging on body was entering the doors of the ER. Roy and James quickly being met by Dixie, and Brackett.

Dixie took an audible gasp upon seeing that it was Scarlett, though she quickly controlled herself, adopting a professional appearance. Brackett, too, paused for the slightest of seconds.

Leaving the pair to work, Roy leaned heavily against the wall outside the treatment room, his guilt and worry cascading into an avalanche of emotion. He knew Scarlett didn't look good, but he also knew she was in the best hands she could be, but after so recently losing his best friend, a part of him couldn't help but admit that for one of the few times in his life, he was truly afraid. He didn't know how he would cope if something went wrong, and knew that if it did, it would be his fault for not looking out for Scarlett better. The guilt of that failure continued to hang over him as the events went on around him. All he could do, though, was wait. Wait and see what would happen.


	57. Chapter 57

Scarlett stood in a pitch black void, unsure of how she got there. It was barren, cold, and if she was honest with herself, a little terrifying. The last she remembered she was at the house, but for the life of her, she couldn't remember what happened next.

Taking a tentative step, she noticed that she was standing in water, it reaching the top of her ankle. It was also freezing cold, and as cold as it was, she didn't feel anything bad happening. Her leg wasn't losing feeling, or anything else that this level of cold water would normally cause. It just felt cold.

Taking another step, she continued to look for something, something to break the endless empty void and give her some bearing, some knowledge of where she was and why she was here.

Minutes seemed to pass, then hours until she had been in the empty void for who knows how long until finally she heard a voice. It sounded faint, from an unbelievably long distance, but she thought she recognized it, until with sudden clarity, she realized she did recognize it. It was Roy.

She heard Roy snapping at someone. Someone who sounded concerned, and she wondered what could have happened that Roy would snap. After all, it couldn't be her, since she was wherever this was, and he only seemed to dislike her, so she didn't know who it could be.

After snapping, Roy's voice had faded into obscurity, and Scarlett once again found herself alone in the void. As the time continued to pass, a part of her wished for Roy's voice to return from wherever it had gone. She missed it, even if she didn't like Roy, since it was the only thing that had broken through to this cold abyss she found herself in.

As if on cue, another voice seemed to break through, or rather a pair, and Scarlett's heart leapt as she heard Dixie and another man talking medical stuff.

"Dixie! Help me!" Scarlett cried, the loneliness and fear of being trapped in this place overwhelming Scarlett, though it was obvious from the continued conversation that Dixie hadn't heard it, if she even could. And just like that, Dixie's voice too faded into obscurity.

Finally unable to cope, the unshakable loneliness taking over, Scarlett fell to the ground, and wished for Johnny again, the act that she had been doing for what seemed so long. Tears streamed down her face, cold, almost as cold as the water her legs now rested in as she knelt on the ground.

"Someone.. Anyone... Johnny... Please... Please help me..." She cried, though once again there was no response, so she just continued to cry.

Time passed, and passed, and it felt like months and months had gone with Scarlett trapped wherever she was. Every now and then, she would hear brief moments of conversation of Dixie once again talking to that man. From what she had gathered, a woman had been in a fire, and was in serious condition, and it was unlikely she was gonna make it. But even though she continued to hear the voices, she still seemed trapped.

"Lonely, isn't it?" A new voice asked, though this one sent a chill down Scarlett's spine. Even though it sounded human and familiar, there was something inhuman about it. Suddenly, seemingly from the darkness around her itself, a man appeared, and even though something felt off, Scarlett couldn't help but cry with joy. It was Johnny.

"Funny how it all is. The human mind." He said, before turning, and walking away, disappearing into the darkness.

Scarlett chased after him, though even though she continued, she couldn't find any sign of him.

Suddenly, her heart felt like it was being crushed, and the sheer pain of it brought her to her knees, as visions of herself laying in a ER as Brackett and Dixie worked on her entered her mind. The pain continued as image after image of her life flashed through her mind, of Johnny, of all the good... Until finally, the memory of what started it all appeared. Her failing into that hole. Except something about this was different. Rather than being saved, she saw herself laying broken, and bleeding, dying out.

Shutting her eyes as if to will away the pain and the disturbing images, she cried, confused by all that was happening.

"Open your eyes. Accept your eternity." The inhuman voice said, almost seemingly forcing her against her own will to open her eyes, and yet, when she did she wasn't in the abyss anymore. As all of her memories quickly faded away, making her forget everything she had been through, doomed to repeat it, she found herself staring up into a set of brown eyes, inside the hole where it all began.

The End.


End file.
